Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Beliefs
(Page 6)
A casual stroll through the lunatic asylum shows that faith does not prove anything.
Friedrich Nietzsche
(1844 – 1900) German philosopher
Beliefs
Faith
Though I am not naturally honest, I am so sometimes by chance.
William Shakespeare
(1564 – 1616) English dramatist & poet
Characteristics
Honesty
God is not dead but alive and working on a much less ambitious project.
Anonymous
Beliefs
God
It’s hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning.
Bill Watterson
(1955 – ) cartoonist
(Calvin and Hobbes)
Beliefs
People
Religion
From Calvin & Hobbe
Book Of
Ecclesiasticles
Archie Bunker
television character,
All In the Family
(Carroll O’Connor)
Beliefs
Malaprops
Bible
Ecclesiastes
The tombstone is about the only thing that can stand upright and lie on its face at the same time.
Mary Wilson Little
(1880 – ?) American author
Beliefs
Honesty
Lies
Things
Tombstones
A conservative is someone who demands a square deal for the rich.
David Frost
(1939 – ) British journalist, comedian, writer & media personality
Beliefs
Conservatives
Don't piss on my leg and tell me it's rainin'!
Anonymous
Characteristics
Expressions
Honesty
Don't lie to me.
A fanatic is a man that does what he thinks the Lord would do if He knew the facts of the case.
Finley Peter Dunne
(1867 – 1936) author & humorist
Beliefs
God
Fanatics
Fine words! … I wonder where you stole them.
Jonathan Swift
(1667 – 1745) Irish satirist & essayist
Characteristics
Communication
Honesty
Insults
Man was predestined to have free will.
Hal Luyah
Beliefs
Destiny
Free will
I would not want Jimmy Carter and his men in charge of snake control in Ireland.
Eugene McCarthy
(1916 – 2005) American politician & poet
Beliefs
Insults
Opinion
Jimmy Carter
If God wanted us to believe in him, he’d exist.
Linda Smith
(1958 – 2006) English radio performer, stand-up comic & writer
Beliefs
God
The trouble with giving advice is that people want to repay you.
Franklin Jones
(1908 – 1980) businessman, humorist
Beliefs
Advice
Scriptures: The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based.
Ambrose Bierce
(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Beliefs
Definitions
Religion
Scriptures
Men don't get cellulite — God might just be a man.
Rita Rudner
(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Beliefs
God
Men
Cellulite
Good Advice: What a man gives when he gets too old to set a bad example.
Anonymous
Beliefs
Definitions
Opinion
Good Advice
Eighty percent of all people consider themselves to be above average drivers.
Grelb's Reminder
Beliefs
Driving
Murphy’s Laws
Opinion
People
Everybody lies; but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.
Lieberman's Law
Characteristics
Communication
Honesty
Lies
Murphy’s Laws
Listening
Reporter: A writer who guesses his way to the truth and dispels it with a tempest of words.
Ambrose Bierce
(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions
Occupations
People
Truth
Reporter
As long as we are lucky we attribute it to our smartness; our bad luck we give the gods credit for.
Josh Billings
(1818 – 1885) humorist
God
Intelligence
Wisdom
Luck
Page 6 of 42
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