Subject: Beliefs (Page 6)

The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
Beliefs Music Religion

Truth is something you stumble into when you think you’re going somewhere else. 

(1942 – 1995) American musician
Beliefs Honesty

Man will never be free until the last king is strangled with the entrails of the last priest.

(1713 – 1784) French philosopher, art critic & writer
Beliefs Government Religion

Believe those who are seeking the truth – doubt those who find it.


Beliefs Honesty Truth

I like Jesus, but he loves me, so it's awkward.

Canadian comedian
Beliefs Religion

If God doesn't destroy Hollywood Boulevard, he owes Sodom and Gomorrah an apology.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host
Beliefs Characteristics God

There are two things that will be believed of any man whatsoever, and one of them is that he has taken to drink.

(1869 – 1946) American novelist & dramatist
Alcohol Beliefs Food/Drink Opinion

If God dropped acid, would he see people?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Activities Drugs God People

Facts are stubborn things, but statistics are more pliable.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs Characteristics Facts Science/Weather

There are no atheists in foxholes.

(1828-1882) English poet, illustrator, painter & translator
Beliefs God

Any facts which, when included in the argument, give the desired result, are fair facts for the argument.

Beliefs Facts Murphy’s Laws

The church has historically been very slow to embrace technology; until very recently, their idea of a laptop was an altar boy.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Beliefs Religion

A conservative is a man who is too cowardly to fight and too fat to run.

(1856 – 1915) writer, publisher, artist & philosopher
Beliefs Definitions People

Book Of Ecclesiasticles

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Beliefs Malaprops

Basically, the Catholic religion is 'If it feels good – stop.’

American actor & comedian
Beliefs Religion

Morality: An instinctive sense of right and wrong that tells some people how everyone else should behave.

Beliefs Definitions Honesty

It is exactly because a man cannot do a thing that he is the proper judge of it.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Beliefs Opinion

Legend: A lie that has attained the dignity of age.

Beliefs Definitions Honesty Lies

The Bible declares that on the sixth day God created man; right then and there, God should have demanded a damage deposit.

(1943 – ) U.S. agriculture commissioner, columnist, activist & author
Beliefs God People

Frankly, I’m suspicious of anyone who has a strong opinion on a complicated issue.

(1957 – ) cartoonist (Dilbert)
Beliefs Opinion

Agnostic: A person who says that he knows nothing about God and, when you agree with him, he becomes angry.

Beliefs Definitions God