Subject: Beliefs (Page 6)

They always throw around this term 'the liberal elite,' and I kept thinking to myself about the Christian right; what's more elite than believing that only you will go to heaven?

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian
Beliefs Government Politics Religion

The only thing that stops God sending a second Flood is that the first one was useless.

(1741 – 1794) French writer
Beliefs God

He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator
Characteristics Insults Opinion

I’m still not sure if I understand ambiguity.

Beliefs Opinion

If beauty is truth, why don’t women go to the library to have their hair done?

(1805 – 1864) English editor, novelist & sporting writer
Appearance People Truth Women

I’m Catholic in the same way, that if a cow was born in a tree, it’s a bird!

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor
Beliefs Religion

I'm going to marry a Jewish woman because I like the idea of getting up Sunday morning and going to the deli.

(1961 – ) Canadian–American actor, voice actor, author, producer & activist
Beliefs Marriage Religion Situations

1. The information you have is not what you want. 2. The information you want is not what you need. 3. The information you need is not what you can obtain. 4. The information you can obtain costs more than you want to pay.

Beliefs Facts Murphy’s Laws

Liberal: Someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money.

Beliefs Characteristics Definitions

Legend: A lie that has attained the dignity of age.

Beliefs Definitions Honesty Lies

There are two kinds of statistics; those you look up and those you make up.

(1886 – 1975) American fiction writer
Beliefs Facts

When you come to Heritage USA, remember to bring your Bible and your VISA card—because the Bible is the Holy Truth, and God doesn't take American Express.

(1939 – ) American televangelist
Beliefs God Money

Washington couldn't tell a lie, Nixon couldn't tell the truth, and Reagan couldn't tell the difference.

(1927 – ) Canadian-born American comedian & actor
Characteristics Honesty Insults Lies

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Animals Beliefs Dogs

An alibi is a reason with a bad reputation.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
Characteristics Honesty

Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it’s open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Appearance Clothing Golf People Religion Sports

Rite: A religious or semi-religious ceremony fixed by law, precept or custom, with the essential oil of sincerity carefully squeezed out of it.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Beliefs Definitions

I think that God in creating man somewhat overestimated his ability.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Beliefs God People

I was thrown out of NYU my freshman year for cheating on my metaphysics final; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Beliefs Education School

I think that people who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.

(1954 – ) comedian & television actor
Communication Lies Reading/Writing

Sometimes you have to take things on faith, even if you don't have any faith.

Beliefs