Subject: Beliefs (Page 7)

If you want to know what God thinks of money, you only have to look at those to whom he gives it.

(1874 – 1945) English writer, translator & war correspondent
Beliefs God Money

A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator
Characteristics Clothing Communication Lies Truth World

I will make a bargain with the Republicans; if they will stop telling lies about Democrats, we will stop telling the truth about them

(1900 – 1965) diplomat & Democratic politician
Characteristics Honesty Lies Politicians Politics Truth

I know God will not give me anything I can't handle; I just wish that He didn't trust me so much."

(1910 – 1997) Albanian–born Indian Roman Catholic nun
Beliefs God

I’ll tell you what’s unnatural in the eyes of God… contact lenses.

(1971 – ) British comedian
Beliefs God

Sure men were born to lie, and women, to believe them.

(1685 – 1732) English writer
Characteristics Honesty Lies Men People Women

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Activities Beliefs Games

One should never trust a woman who tells one her real age.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Age Characteristics Honesty People Truth Women

When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ … it is a mere formality; it doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no, you’re going to get it anyway.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Beliefs Opinion

I want everyone to tell me the truth, even if it costs him his job.

(1879 – 1974) film producer
Characteristics Honesty Truth Work

The trouble with facts is that there are so many of them.

(1857 – 1927) Unitarian Universalist minister
Facts Science/Weather

Thou shalt not commit adultery; now, you know no guy would have ever dreamed that one up.

American comedian & writer
Beliefs People

It [feminism] is about a socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians.

(1930 – ) American Southern Baptist minister, executive & media mogul
Beliefs Stupidity Women

Prayer must never be answered: if it is, it ceases to be prayer and becomes correspondence.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Beliefs Communication

Jerry Ford is so dumb that he can't fart and chew gum at the same time.

(1908 – 1973) 36th U.S. president
Insults Opinion People

Why do born-again people so often make you wish they’d never been born the first time?

(1928 – ) British journalist, writer & columnist
Beliefs Religion

My mom brought us to mass every Sunday – short for ‘massive head trauma’ that you get from your mother punching you in your little nine-year-old head every minute because you can’t sit still for anything that’s boring.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor
Beliefs Family Mothers Religion

If people wanted your unsolicited advice, they’d ask for it.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Beliefs Opinion

It's bad luck to be superstititious.

Beliefs Murphy’s Laws

Fishing is a delusion entirely surrounded by liars in old clothes.

(1878 – 1937) humorist, journalist & author
Activities Beliefs Characteristics Clothing Lies Sports

Anything that you have to acquire a taste for was not meant to be eaten.

(1961 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor, writer, singer & director
Beliefs Food/Drink Opinion