Subject: Beliefs (Page 8)

Will Rogers used to come out with a newspaper and pretend he was a yokel criticizing the intellectuals who ran the government; I come out with a newspaper and pretend I’m an intellectual making fun of the yokels running the government.

(1927 – ) Canadian-born American comedian & actor
Beliefs Opinion

Georgie believed in democracy, and he felt that everybody had a right to an opinion… his.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Democracy Government Opinion

The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.

(1911 – 1989) television actress
Age Characteristics Honesty Lies Old Young

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Activities Beliefs Games

Celebrities are invariably celebrity-mad, just as liars always believe liars.

(1925 – 2012) author, playwright, essayist & screenwriter
Beliefs Honesty Lies People

Journalists say a thing that they know isn’t true, in the hope that if they keep on saying it long enough it will be true.

1867 – 1931) English novelist
Communication Honesty Language Lies Truth

I Will Respect Your Opinion As Soon As You Stop Making Shit Up!

Beliefs Characteristics Facts Honesty Lies

Ideologue: Typically an obscure humorless zealot who finds fulfillment by spouting the ideas of famous humorless zealots.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Beliefs Definitions

Communism doesn’t work because people like to own stuff.

(1940 – 1993) composer, guitarist, record producer & film director
Beliefs People Things

I think of the church often; not because religion was closing in on me, but because for a long time my ass was sore from that hard, unupholstered pew.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Beliefs Religion

Our loss is their loss.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Beliefs Insults Religion

The stopwatch has stopped. It's up to God and the referee now. The referee is Pat Horan. God is God.

Irish Gaelic games commentator
God Sports

Satan: The scarecrow in the religious cornfield.

Beliefs Definitions Religion

Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough to suit some people.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Characteristics Honesty

If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets.

(1926 – ) film director, screenwriter, composer, comedian, actor & producer
Activities Beliefs God Travel

When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ … it is a mere formality; it doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no, you’re going to get it anyway.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Beliefs Opinion

Church: Man’s effort to keep a roof over God’s head.

Beliefs Definitions God

The only way a reporter should look at a politician is down.

Government Murphy’s Laws Opinion Politicians

God was left out of the Constitution but was furnished a front seat on the coins of the country.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs God

Why are there so many puritans in this country, and why can’t the rest of us make them go away?!

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Beliefs

No matter what side of an argument you're on, you always find some people on your side that wish you were on the other side.

(1901 –-1987) Russian-American violinist
Beliefs Opinion