Subject: Beliefs » Religion

I’m Catholic in the same way, that if a cow was born in a tree, it’s a bird!

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor
Beliefs Religion

What does an atheist say during an orgasm?

(1961 – ) American stand-up comedian
Beliefs Religion Sex

Honor thy parents. That’s one of the Lord’s Top 10 Commandments. That’s right around covetin’ your neighbor’s cattles and wives and there.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Beliefs Misspokements Religion TV/Movie Quotes

I guess the biggest issue my husband and I are going to have is how do we raise the baby… because he’s Jewish and I’m Protestant and the baby’s father is Catholic.

Canadian-American comedian & writer
Beliefs Children Family Fathers Marriage Religion

A dead atheist is someone who's all dressed up with no place to go.

James Duffecy (1912 – 1983) Australian evangelist
Beliefs Religion

Once again, we come to the holiday season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Activities Beliefs Religion Shopping

I pledge allegiance to the Christian flag, and to the Savior, for whose Kingdom it stands, one Savior, crucified, risen, and coming again, with life and liberty for all who believe.

(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician
Beliefs Misspokements Religion

Satan: The scarecrow in the religious cornfield.

Beliefs Definitions Religion

A short summary of every Jewish holiday: “They tried to kill us; we won; let’s eat!”

(1927 – 2004) American comedian & actor
Beliefs Religion

Lots of Christians wear crosses around their necks; you really think when Jesus comes back, he ever wants to see a f**king cross?

(1961 – 1994) comedian
Beliefs Religion

We have a whole religion based on a woman who really stuck to her story.

(1965 – 2010) American stand-up comedian & television personality
Beliefs Religion

It's interesting to speculate how it developed that in two of the most anti-feminist institutions, the church and the law court, the men are wearing the dresses.

(1916 – 2000) American lawyer & activist
Appearance Clothing Law Religion Women

Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it’s open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Appearance Clothing Golf People Religion Sports

People that put up Christmas decorations, all they’re saying is ‘Hey, we’re not Jews.’

(1957 – ) American comedian
Beliefs Religion Situations

O Lord, if there is a Lord, save my soul, if I have a soul.

(1823 – 1892) French philosopher & historian
Beliefs Religion

Lutherans OK Pact With Episcopalians

Headlines Religion

Nun: A creature of habit.

Definitions Religion

There hasn’t been a more effeminate Jew in the closet since Anne Frank.

(1965 – 2010) American stand-up comedian & television personality
Beliefs Religion

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Beliefs God Religion

Say what you will about the Ten Commandments, you must always come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Beliefs Communication Reading/Writing Religion

I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Religion Situations