Subject: Beliefs » Religion (Page 2)

We have a whole religion based on a woman who really stuck to her story.

(1965 – 2010) American stand-up comedian & television personality
Beliefs Religion

Lots of Christians wear crosses around their necks; you really think when Jesus comes back, he ever wants to see a f**king cross?

(1961 – 1994) comedian
Beliefs Religion

There’s only one difference between Catholics and Jews; Jews are born with guilt, and Catholics have to go to school to learn it.

(1952 – ) comedian
Beliefs Characteristics People Religion

My parents are Catholic, which means that they love Jesus and liquor and I don't think there's anything more Mexican than that.

(1974 – ) American stand-up comedian
People Religion

Catholicism is the most adhesive religion in the world; if you joined the Taliban, you’d merely be regarded as a bad Catholic.

(1972 – ) Irish comedian & television presenter
Beliefs Religion

Birth Control is Sinful in the Christian Marriages and also Robbing God of Priesthood Children!!

Book Titles Religion

My mom brought us to mass every Sunday – short for ‘massive head trauma’ that you get from your mother punching you in your little nine-year-old head every minute because you can’t sit still for anything that’s boring.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor
Beliefs Family Mothers Religion

The best cure for Christianity is reading the Bible.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs Religion

My friend Phil was brought up Orthodox Jewish… he actually thought the New Testament was the paperback version of the Old Testament.

(1961 – ) comedian, writer, radio & television personality & blogger
Beliefs Religion

A short summary of every Jewish holiday: “They tried to kill us; we won; let’s eat!”

(1927 – 2004) American comedian & actor
Beliefs Religion

Unitarian: One who denies the divinity of a Trinitarian.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Beliefs Definitions Religion

My wife converted me to religion; I never believed in hell until I married her.

(1892 – 1992) American film & television producer & director
Beliefs Marriage Religion Wives

I am determined that my children shall be brought up in their father’s religion, if they can find out what it is.

(1775 – 1834) English critic & essayist
Beliefs Family Fathers Religion

If we are all God’s children, what’s so special about Jesus?

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Beliefs Religion

What does an atheist say during an orgasm?

(1961 – ) American stand-up comedian
Beliefs Religion Sex

I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on Saturday and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on Saturday.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Beliefs Religion

I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Religion Situations

He was of the faith chiefly in the sense that the church he currently did not attend was Catholic.

(1922 – 1995) English novelist & poet
Beliefs Religion

You do a lot of praying, but most of the time the answer is “no.”

(1923 – 2001) American football coach
Football Religion Sports

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

Education Religion School

The sheer immensity of the human self as envisioned by the world's religions is awesome.

(1919 – ) American religious studies scholar
Beliefs People Religion Self