Subject: Beliefs » Religion (Page 2)

Christian: One who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbors. 

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Beliefs Definitions Religion

I definitely want Brooklyn [his daughter] to be Christened, but I don't know into what religion yet.

professional football player
Beliefs Misspokements Religion

Reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake.

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian
Beliefs Religion

There were many reasons we broke up; there was a religious difference: I'm a Catholic, and she's the devil.

American actor & comedian
Beliefs Girlfriends Relationships Religion

A short summary of every Jewish holiday: “They tried to kill us; we won; let’s eat!”

(1927 – 2004) American comedian & actor
Beliefs Religion

The Catholics have an interesting view of sex; it is disgusting, amoral and filthy and you should save it for one you love.

(1957 – ) American actor, comedian & filmmaker
Beliefs Religion Sex

Leviticus Also Said “No Hair Cuts” But I Guess We Are Skipping That One

Beliefs Religion Signs

The difference between a Northern Baptist and a Southern Baptist was that a Northern Baptist says, "There ain't no Hell," and a Southern Baptist says, "The hell 'ere ain't."

(1926 – 1983) American comedian & singer
Beliefs Religion

More people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol Beliefs Intelligence Religion

The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because they are generally the same people.

(1874 – 1936) English author & mystery novelist
Beliefs People Religion

I guess the biggest issue my husband and I are going to have is how do we raise the baby… because he’s Jewish and I’m Protestant and the baby’s father is Catholic.

Canadian-American comedian & writer
Beliefs Children Family Fathers Marriage Religion

Heaven: The Coney Island of the Christian imagination.

(1856 – 1915) writer, publisher, artist & philosopher
Beliefs Religion

If we're all God's children, what's so special about Jesus?

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Beliefs Children God Religion

Why do they put the Gideon Bibles only in the bedrooms, where it’s usually too late?

(1890 – 1957) author & journalist
Places Religion

The Virgin Mary… we have a whole religion based on a woman who really stuck to her story.

(1965 – 2010) American stand-up comedian & television personality
Beliefs Religion

Most people are bothered by those passages of Scripture they do not understand, but the passages that bother me are those I do understand.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs Intelligence Religion

My friend Phil was brought up Orthodox Jewish… he actually thought the New Testament was the paperback version of the Old Testament.

(1961 – ) comedian, writer, radio & television personality & blogger
Beliefs Religion

Christian: A man who feels repentance on a Sunday for what he did on Saturday and is going to do on Monday.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Beliefs Definitions Religion

My mom brought us to mass every Sunday – short for ‘massive head trauma’ that you get from your mother punching you in your little nine-year-old head every minute because you can’t sit still for anything that’s boring.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor
Beliefs Family Mothers Religion

I’m saying I can’t afford to make no donations to no Catholic charities. If you need the money that bad, wire the Pope, he’s got more money than God.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Beliefs Religion TV/Movie Quotes

I think of the church often; not because religion was closing in on me, but because for a long time my ass was sore from that hard, unupholstered pew.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Beliefs Religion