Subject: Beliefs » Religion (Page 6)

Religion – it’s given people hope in a world torn apart by religion.

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian

More people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

My parents are Catholic, which means that they love Jesus and liquor and I don't think there's anything more Mexican than that.

(1974 – ) American stand-up comedian

If we're all God's children, what's so special about Jesus?

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor

Christian: One who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbors. 

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

My wife and I did the Jewish divorce custom where we took a broken glass and we put it back together.

(1978 – ) American stand-up comedian

The only thing wrong with being an atheist is that there's nobody to talk to during an orgasm.

A short summary of every Jewish holiday: “They tried to kill us; we won; let’s eat!”

(1927 – 2004) American comedian & actor

When you ever hear girls say that "I'm not religious, but I'm spiritual," I like to reply with "I'm not honest, but you're interesting!

(1975 – ) American stand-up comedian & television host

If Jesus was a Jew, how come he has a Mexican first name?

(1942 – ) Scottish comedian, musician & actor

Our loss is their loss.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor

It's interesting to speculate how it developed that in two of the most anti-feminist institutions, the church and the law court, the men are wearing the dresses.

(1916 – 2000) American lawyer & activist

Scriptures: The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

It was not the apple on the tree but the pair on the ground that caused the trouble in the garden.

During Passover, the angel of death passed over the Jews – an event that, up until the late 1950s, was re-enacted every year by Ivy League colleges and suburban country clubs.

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian

I even went so far as to become a Southern Baptist for a while, until I realized that they didn't hold ‘em under long enough.

(1944 – ) American singer, songwriter, novelist, humorist, politician & columnist

Basically, the Catholic religion is 'If it feels good – stop.’

American actor & comedian

If you have the Old Testament at home, if you flip the corner pages, you can see Jesus riding a horse.

(1955 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor

I am determined that my children shall be brought up in their father’s religion, if they can find out what it is.

(1775 – 1834) English critic & essayist

It is a curious thing… that every creed promises a paradise which will be absolutely uninhabitable for anyone of civilized taste.

(1903 – 1966) English writer

He that wishes to learn to pray, let him go to sea.

(1593 – 1633) Welsh-born poet, orator & Anglican priest