Subject: Characteristics (Page 19)

Husbands never become good; they merely become proficient.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Characteristics Husbands Marriage

She looked at me like a cow looking at a new gate.

Appearance Characteristics Expressions Intelligence

If you are of the opinion that the contemplation of suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic nature, do not forget that actions speak louder than words.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Characteristics Situations

Don't look back; something may be gaining on you.

(1906 – 1982) baseball player
Characteristics

I went to counseling, spent $5,000 to have two women call me a loser.

(1957 – ) American comedian
Characteristics Money Situations

Failure has gone to his head.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Characteristics Failure Insults Problems

These days, the only time politicians tell the truth is when they call each other a liar.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Characteristics Honesty Lies Politicians Truth

I had a piece of Carefree Sugarless gum and I was still worried; it never kicked in.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Characteristics Food/Drink

I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor; they sent a priest up to talk to me and he said, "On your mark…"

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Characteristics Situations

I heard you call me immature earlier; well, you're just a big poop-head.

(1957 – ) American comic actor
Characteristics

Nothing inspires forgiveness quite like revenge.

(1957 – ) cartoonist (Dilbert)
Characteristics

He was a very immortal person.

Characteristics Malaprops

The search for someone to blame is always successful.

businessman
Characteristics Relationships Success

Of all the great qualities he had, and there were so many, there was one thing that set him apart from everybody else; he really thought I was funny.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Characteristics Self

You won’t regret the men you never killed, but you will regret the women you passed up.

(1944 – ) English author
Characteristics People Women

They say the definition of ambivalence is watching your mother-in-law drive over a cliff in your new Cadillac.

(1947 – ) American playwright, screenwriter & film director
Characteristics

If you can’t annoy somebody with what you write, I think there’s little point in writing.

(1922 – 1995) English novelist & poet
Characteristics Communication Reading/Writing

I've pretty much behaved like a knucklehead my entire life.

(1972 – ) American actress & former model
Characteristics People Self

I was so unpopular as a kid, Dale Carnegie once hit me in the mouth.

(1924 – 1987) American stand-up ‘deadpan’ comedian and actor
Characteristics Insults People

He's a Republican housewife from Kansas with all the prejudices.

(1925 – 2012) author, playwright, essayist & screenwriter
Characteristics Insults

I have nothing but confidence in you, and very little of that.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Characteristics Insults