Subject: Characteristics (Page 28)

Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Characteristics Health Situations

My girlfriend thinks I’m very mature. She also thinks I’m incapable of being faithful. My wife, on the other hand…

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Characteristics Marriage Relationships

The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.

(1908 – 1980) businessman, humorist
Characteristics Time

Seriousness is stupidity sent to college.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Characteristics

Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.

Characteristics Communication Lies

Politeness is half good manners and half good lying.

(1880 – ?) American author
Characteristics Lies

A diplomat is a man who thinks twice before he says nothing.

(1822 – 1891) U.S. senator (South Carolina)
Characteristics Government

A man can be called ruthless if he bombs a country to oblivion; a woman can be called ruthless if she puts you on hold.

(1934 – ) American feminist, journalist, & social & political activist
Characteristics Men People Women

Even at home, on my stationary exercise bike, I have a rearview mirror.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Characteristics

When you cannot get a compliment any other way pay yourself one.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics People Self

A thick skin is a gift from God.

(1876 – 1967) German statesman
Characteristics God

I can resist everything except temptation.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Characteristics

Honesty is the best policy – when there is money in it.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics Honesty Money

Pessimism: A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Characteristics Communication Definitions Language

Following the path of least resistance is what makes men and rivers crooked.

Characteristics Honesty Murphy’s Laws

[I’m someone] who spends his time at parties in the room with the coats and whose idea of a good time is to go down to the bus terminal and pretend I’m going somewhere.

(1924 – 1987) American stand-up ‘deadpan’ comedian and actor
Characteristics People Self

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

Anger Characteristics Emotions

There's many a pessimist who got that way by financing an optimist.

Characteristics Money

Reputation is character minus what you’ve been caught doing.

American comedian, writer, consultant & author
Characteristics

Once we were whining losers, but now we’re arrogant winners.

Buffalo Bills public relations man
Characteristics Misspokements Sports

Strike an average between what a woman thinks of her husband a month before she marries him and what she thinks of him a year afterward, and you will have the truth about him.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Characteristics Husbands Marriage Time Truth Wives