Subject: Characteristics (Page 29)

Prosperity is the best protector of principle.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics Money

I was going to buy a copy of The Power of Positive Thinking, and then I thought: What the hell good would that do?

comedian
Books Characteristics Communication Reading/Writing

I’m not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb… and I also know that I’m not blonde.

(1946 – ) singer, songwriter, author & actress
Appearance Characteristics Intelligence

When you cannot get a compliment any other way pay yourself one.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics People Self

None are so empty as those who are full of themselves.

(1609 – 1683) British religious leader
Characteristics People

A pessimist is a person who has not had enough experience to be a cynic.

author
Characteristics

If you really are superior, you don’t go around saying you’re superior – unless you’re Jewish.

Canadian-American comedian & writer
Characteristics

Strength is the capacity to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands – and then eat just one of the pieces.

(1931 – ) American author & newspaper journalist
Characteristics

Is it weird in here, or is it just me?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Characteristics Situations

Do not free a camel of the burden of his hump; you may be freeing him from being a camel.

(1874 – 1936) English author & mystery novelist
Characteristics

These days, the only time politicians tell the truth is when they call each other a liar.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Characteristics Honesty Lies Politicians Truth

He was born silly and had a relapse.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Characteristics

No matter how cynical you get, it’s impossible to keep up.

(1939 – ) comedian, actress, writer & producer
Characteristics

My specialty is detached malevolence.

(1884 – 1980) author & wit
Characteristics People Self

At the age of eleven or thereabouts women acquire a poise and an ability to handle difficult situations which a man, if he is lucky, manages to achieve somewhere in the later seventies.

(1881 – 1975) English writer & humorist
Characteristics Men People Women

A victim of the use of water as a beverage.

(1793 – 1863) American politician, statesman & soldier
Characteristics Communication Insults

A man will do more for his stubbornness than for his religion or his country.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor
Characteristics

You have taken yourself too seriously.

Characteristics Murphy’s Laws People Self

I need to develop some patience — immediately.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Characteristics

An easily understood, workable falsehood is more useful than a complex, incomprehensible truth.

Characteristics Honesty Intelligence Lies Murphy’s Laws Truth

The true measure of a man is what he would do if he knew he would never be caught.

(1824 – 1907) Irish mathematical physicist & engineer
Characteristics People