Subject: Characteristics (Page 30)

There’s only one difference between Catholics and Jews; Jews are born with guilt, and Catholics have to go to school to learn it.

(1952 – ) comedian
Beliefs Characteristics People Religion

Pessimism: A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Characteristics Communication Definitions Language

I want everyone to tell me the truth, even if it costs him his job.

(1879 – 1974) film producer
Characteristics Honesty Truth Work

It's good to know that if I behave strangely enough, society will take full responsibility for me.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist
Characteristics Situations

Figures won’t lie, but liars can figure.

(1911 – 1993) columnist & novelist
Characteristics Facts Honesty Lies People

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; this is the principal difference between dog and man.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Animals Characteristics Dogs People

He was born silly and had a relapse.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Characteristics

Be good and you will be lonely.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics People Self

I ain’t got no respect for no religion where the head guy claims he can’t make no mistakes. Like he’s, waddya call, inflammable.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Characteristics Malaprops Mistakes

Crowded lifts (elevators) smell different to people with restricted growth.

Characteristics Murphy’s Laws Things

When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Characteristics Government Money Politics

Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor
Characteristics

Proud as a dog with two tails

Characteristics Expressions

The fundamental defect of fathers is that they want their children to be a credit to them.

(1872 – 1970) British philosopher, mathematician, historian & social critic
Characteristics Children Family Fathers

Make money and the whole nation will conspire to call you a gentleman.

Characteristics Money

I used to be indecisive… but I'm not sure.

Characteristics

Indecision may or may not be my problem.

(1946 – ) singer, songwriter, author & businessman
Characteristics Intelligence Problems

He’s so lazy, he’d marry a pregnant woman.

Characteristics Expressions

My pessimism extends to the point of even suspecting the sincerity of the pessimists.

(1894 – 1977) French biologist & philosopher
Characteristics

One good thing about punctuality is that it’s a sure way to help you enjoy a few minutes of privacy.

(1917 – 1995) Canadian-American chemist & author
Characteristics Time

She was a brunette by birth, but a blonde by habit.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Appearance Characteristics