Subject: Characteristics (Page 33)

Even the smallest dog can lift its leg on the tallest building.

(1943 – ) U.S. agriculture commissioner, columnist, activist & author

I left the room with silent dignity, but caught my foot in the mat.

(1847 – 1912) English comedian, writer, composer, actor & singer

He combines the manners of a Marquis with the morals of a Methodist.

(1836 – 1911) English dramatist, librettist, poet & illustrator

If you don't like my opinion of you, you can always improve.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist

I think, in most cases, the difference between depression and disappointment is your level of commitment.

(1963 – ) American stand-up comedian

A wide screen just makes a bad film twice as bad.

(1879 – 1974) film producer

Too much of a good thing is wonderful.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol

Any fool can tell the truth, but it requires a man of some sense to know how to lie well.

(1835 – 1902) English composer, author & satirist

Morality, like art, means a drawing a line someplace.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet

Fine words! … I wonder where you stole them.

(1667 – 1745) Irish satirist & essayist

An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day.

(1912 – 2003) newspaper columnist

Charm: The ability to make someone think that both of you are wonderful.

Isn't an agnostic just an atheist without balls?

(1964 – ) comedian, political satirist, writer & television host

I used to be indecisive… but I'm not sure.

Modesty is my best quality.

(1894 – 1974) comedian, radio & television host

Hard to tell if people are interested in joining my Sarcastic Club or not.

(1964 – ) English comedian

Look at him (Bobby Richardson) – he doesn’t drink, he doesn’t smoke, he doesn’t chew, he doesn’t stay out late, and he still can’t hit .250.

(1890 – 1975) American baseball manager

I'm not Mother Teresa. But I'm also not Charles Manson.

(1966 – ) American boxing champion

Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

When it comes to giving—some people stop at nothing.

Nixon's the kind of guy that if you were drowning 50 feet off shore, he'd throw you a 30 foot rope; then Kissinger would go on TV the next night and say that the President had met you more than half-way.

(1927 – ) Canadian-born American comedian & actor