Subject: Characteristics (Page 36)

If you go to any book store and look at any book on marriage, you'll see at least one photo of me about to put an ice tray with only one ice cube left in it back into the refrigerator.

(1955 – ) American actor, stand-up comedian & impressionist

Bad taste is simply saying the truth before it should be said.

(1926 – ) film director, screenwriter, composer, comedian, actor & producer

Un-American: Wicked, intolerable, heathenish.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Let the others have the charisma, I've got the class.

(1946 – ) 43rd U.S. president

Isn't it possible for them to get a real fascist instead of this guy who plays one on TV?

(1927 – ) Canadian-born American comedian & actor

The trouble with being punctual is that there's nobody there to appreciate it.

(1908 – 1993) American composer, lyricist & writer

I don’t drink, I’m a totalitarian.

(1905 – 1974) radio comedian

Are you so unobservant that you do not yet realize that sanity and happiness are an impossible combination?

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

I am free of all prejudices; I hate everyone equally.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Politeness is half good manners and half good lying.

(1880 – ?) American author

Baseball is 90% mental, the other half is physical.

(1925 – 2015) baseball player, coach & manager

A pessimist is a man who looks both ways before crossing a one-way street.

(1919 – 1990) educator & writer

You are not being diplomatic just because you put please in front of “Shut the hell up.”

Nixon's the kind of guy that if you were drowning 50 feet off shore, he'd throw you a 30 foot rope; then Kissinger would go on TV the next night and say that the President had met you more than half-way.

(1927 – ) Canadian-born American comedian & actor

I believe in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it.

(1942 – ) humorist & radio broadcaster

Tolerance: That uncomfortable feeling that the other fellow might be right after all.

I’ve never seen a man so low and depaved.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)

Only a mediocre person is always at his best.

(1874 – 1965) English dramatist & novelist

We learn something every day, and lots of times it’s that what we learned the day before was wrong.

(1915 – 1977) columnist, writer & actor

We are confronted with insurmountable opportunities.

(1913 – 1973) American animator & cartoonist (Pogo)

You must first have a lot of patience to learn to have patience.

(1909 – 1966) Polish poet, writer & aphorist