Subject: Characteristics (Page 36)

Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance.

Characteristics Murphy’s Laws People

I used to be indecisive; but now I'm not sure.

Characteristics Situations

I had a piece of Carefree Sugarless gum and I was still worried; it never kicked in.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Characteristics Food/Drink

He who hesitates is sometimes saved.

(1894 – 1961) author, cartoonist & humorist
Characteristics

I'm not Mother Teresa. But I'm also not Charles Manson.

(1966 – ) American boxing champion
Boxing Characteristics Sports

There is no ‘I’ in self-esteem.

(1982 – ) American comedian & actress
Characteristics Self

I am the common denominator to all my bad relationships.

(1966 – 2011) American stand-up comedian
Characteristics Relationships Self

Jews can't serve on juries because they insist they're guilty.

American stand-up comedian, television writer & actor
Characteristics Law

Graceland is so tacky, Puerto Rican people walk out of there going, 'That's some tacky stuff there, man.'

American comedian & author
Characteristics Places

The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Characteristics Situations

I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out.

(1961 – 1994) comedian
Characteristics

My last boyfriend gave me a piece of coal, and he told me that he would marry me when it turned into a diamond from all the pressure.

(1961 – ) American stand-up comedian
Characteristics Marriage

Football doesn’t build character; it eliminates the weak ones.

(1924 – 2012) American football player & coach
Characteristics Football Sports

There's many a pessimist who got that way by financing an optimist.

Characteristics Money

A gentleman is one who never hurts anyone’s feelings unintentionally.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Characteristics People

It takes a real talent to be able to apologize in a manner that makes the offended person feel guilty.

Characteristics Communication

I’m completely uninhabited.

(1905 – 1974) radio comedian
Characteristics Malaprops

Flattery is like chewing gum… enjoy it but don't swallow it.

(1920 – 2001) cartoonist & creator of Dennis the Menace
Characteristics

I’m told he’s [a] decent sort when you get to know him, but no one ever has, so his decency is sort of secret.

(1937 – ) British playwright & screenwriter
Characteristics

Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all.

(1920 – 2001) American writer & humorist
Characteristics People Work

A cynic is a person searching for an honest man, with a stolen lantern.


Beliefs Characteristics Honesty People