Subject: Characteristics (Page 37)

They've great respect for the dead in Hollywood, but none for the living.

(1909 – 1959) Australian-born American actor
Characteristics Hollywood Places

… it was a Jewish porno film… one minute of sex and nine minutes of guilt.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Characteristics People

Virtue is its own punishment.

(1897 – 1960) Welsh labor leader & politician
Characteristics

There is more simplicity in the man who eats caviar on impulse than in the man who eats Grape Nuts on principle.

(1874 – 1936) English author & mystery novelist
Characteristics Eating Food/Drink People

He is racist, he's homophobic, he's xenophobic and he's a sexist; he's the perfect Republican candidate.

(1940 – ) talk radio host, political commentator and author
Characteristics Insults

An alibi is a reason with a bad reputation.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
Characteristics Honesty

Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
Animals Characteristics Life

If you can’t annoy somebody with what you write, I think there’s little point in writing.

(1922 – 1995) English novelist & poet
Characteristics Communication Reading/Writing

If men have a smell it's usually an accident.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Accidents Characteristics Men People

At my age, patience is not a virtue… it’s a luxury.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Age Characteristics Old

There never was an impostor so hateful, a blockhead so stupid, a crank so variously and offensively daft… he makes me tired.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Characteristics Insults Intelligence

These cigars are the nectarines of the gods.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Characteristics Malaprops

Every once in a while someone without a single bad habit gets caught.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Characteristics

Men are brave enough to go to war, but they are not brave enough to get a bikini wax.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Characteristics Men People War

An inability to stay quiet is one of the most conspicuous failings of mankind.

(1826 – 1877) English economist & journalist
Characteristics Situations

Don't lie, steal, or cheat unnecessarily.

Characteristics Conflict Honesty Murphy’s Laws

An idealist is one who, on noticing that roses smell better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Characteristics Food/Drink

Heaven goes by favor; for if it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Animals Beliefs Characteristics Dogs

My dentist found a new way to cover up his bad breath… he holds up his arms

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Characteristics Health

Rumor: A favorite weapon of the assassins of character.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Characteristics Definitions

I put the pro in procrastinate.

Characteristics