Subject: Characteristics (Page 41)

Culture is what your butcher would have if he were a surgeon.

author
Characteristics

You may already be a loser!

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Characteristics

The dread of loneliness is greater than the fear of bondage, so we get married.

(1903 – 1974) English intellectual, literary critic & writer
Characteristics Marriage

Underneath this flabby exterior is an enormous lack of character.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Appearance Body Characteristics Fat

If you own a home with wheels on it and several cars without, you just might be a redneck.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Characteristics People Rednecks Things

The truth may be out there, but the lies are inside your head.

(1948 – ) English novelist
Characteristics Honesty Intelligence Truth

If you are riding a high horse, there ain’t no way to get down off it gracefully.

Characteristics

Virtue is insufficient temptation.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Characteristics

Be true to your teeth and they won't be false to you.

(1926 – 2009) comedian, actor, radio – TV personality & host
Appearance Body Characteristics

We would all like a reputation for generosity and we'd all like to buy it cheap.

(1913 – 1983) journalist & author
Characteristics

Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet service to see who they really are.

(1967 – ) American comedian, actor, producer & writer
Characteristics Marriage

Crowded lifts (elevators) smell different to people with restricted growth.

Characteristics Murphy’s Laws Things

An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day.

(1912 – 2003) newspaper columnist
Characteristics People

A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Characteristics People

I need to develop some patience — immediately.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Characteristics

Revenge is sweet and not fattening.

(1899 – 1980) English filmmaker & producer
Characteristics

Men have as exaggerated an idea of their rights as women have of their wrongs.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor
Characteristics Men People Women

Rational: Devoid of all delusions save those of observation, experience and reflection.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Characteristics Definitions Intelligence Thinking

Not only is he ambidextrous, but he can throw with either hand.

(1915 – 1987) American football player and coach
Characteristics Misspokements

A woman is a highly developed, deeply intelligent, infinitely complicated being… and it needs to be carefully tricked into doing things.

(1974 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Characteristics People Women

The way I understand it, the Russians are sort of a combination of evil and incompetence… sort of like the Post Office with tanks.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Characteristics People Places