Characteristics | Just-One-Liners.com

Subject: Characteristics (Page 43)

He was so narrow minded he could see through a keyhole with both eyes.

Molly Ivins

(1944 – 2007) newspaper columnist, political commentator, humorist & author

Characteristics Insults

The young are generally full of revolt, and are often pretty revolting about it.

Mignon McLaughlin

(1913 – 1983) journalist & author

Age Characteristics Young

Telling lies is a fault in a boy, an art in a lover, an accomplishment in a bachelor, and second-nature in a married man.

Helen Rowland

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist

Characteristics Honesty Husbands Lies

The best years are the forties; after fifty a man begins to deteriorate, but in the forties he is at the maximum of his villainy.

H.L. Mencken

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

Age Characteristics Life Bad Good

… it was a Jewish porno film… one minute of sex and nine minutes of guilt.

Joan Rivers

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

Characteristics People Guilt Jewish Pornography

If peeing in your pants is cool, consider me Miles Davis.

Old Farm Lady in “Billy Madison”

Characteristics TV/Movie Quotes Cool Miles Davis

Liberal: Someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money.

Anonymous

Beliefs Characteristics Definitions

As scarce as truth is, the supply has always been in excess of the demand.

Josh Billings

(1818 – 1885) humorist

Characteristics Honesty Truth

Early morning cheerfulness can be extremely obnoxious.

William Feather

(1908 – 1976) publisher & author

Characteristics Cheerfulness

What can I say about Milton Berle that he already hasn't said himself?

George Burns

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer

Characteristics Opinion Speech Humility Milton Berle

No vice is so bad as advice.

Marie Dressler

(1868 – 1934) Canadian-American actress

Characteristics Advice Vice

Every man has his follies – and often they are the most interesting thing he has got.

Josh Billings

(1818 – 1885) humorist

Characteristics Intelligence Follies

Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.

Benjamin Franklin

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor

Characteristics Disappointment Expectations

Many who would not take the last cookie would take the last lifeboat.

Mignon McLaughlin

(1913 – 1983) journalist & author

Characteristics

He is racist, he's homophobic, he's xenophobic and he's a sexist; he's the perfect Republican candidate.

Bill Press

(1940 – ) talk radio host, political commentator and author

Characteristics Insults About Pat Buchanan

Her virtue was that she said what she thought, her vice – that what she thought didn't amount to much.

Peter Ustinov

(1921 – 2004) English actor & author

Characteristics Vices Virtues

Politeness is half good manners and half good lying.

Mary Wilson Little

(1880 – ?) American author

Characteristics Lies Good Manners Politeness

They say the definition of ambivalence is watching your mother-in-law drive over a cliff in your new Cadillac.

David Mamet

(1947 – ) American playwright, screenwriter & film director

Characteristics Ambivalence

When we are happy we are always good, but when we are good we are not always happy.

Oscar Wilde

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet

Characteristics Emotions Happiness Good

Oh, what a tangled web do parents weave when they think that their children are naive.

Ogden Nash

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet

Characteristics Children Family Parents People Naive

The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.