Subject: Characteristics (Page 44)

I’m a colored, one-eyed Jew – do I need anything else?

(1925 – 1990) American entertainer
Characteristics

Conscience is the inner voice that warns us somebody may be looking.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Characteristics

If men have a smell it's usually an accident.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Accidents Characteristics Men People

Rumor: A favorite weapon of the assassins of character.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Characteristics Definitions

Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation.

Characteristics Intelligence Situations Understanding

In some situations I was difficult, in odd moments impossible, in rare moments loathsome, but at my best unapproachably great.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Characteristics People Self

A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.

(1667 – 1745) Irish satirist & essayist
Beliefs Characteristics Communication Lies Truth

I’m not a politician and my other habits are good, also.

Charles Farrar Browne (1834 – 1867) humorist
Characteristics Government Politicians

I think there is only one quality worse than hardness of heart and that is softness of head.

(1858 – 1919) 26th U.S. president
Characteristics Intelligence Stupidity

One “Oh shit” can erase a thousand “Attaboys.”

(1957 – ) cartoonist (Dilbert)
Characteristics Communication

I always take my wife morning tea in my pajamas, but is she grateful?… no, she says she'd rather have it in a cup.

(1926 – 1984) English comedian
Characteristics Clothing

Look at him (Bobby Richardson) – he doesn’t drink, he doesn’t smoke, he doesn’t chew, he doesn’t stay out late, and he still can’t hit .250.

(1890 – 1975) American baseball manager
Baseball Characteristics Sports

It's good to know that if I behave strangely enough, society will take full responsibility for me.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist
Characteristics Situations

Associate with well-mannered persons and your manners will improve; run with decent folk and your own decent instincts will be strengthened; keep the company of bums and you will become a bum; hang around with rich people and you will end by picking up the check and dying broke.

Characteristics Money Murphy’s Laws People

The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Characteristics Honesty Truth

The higher a monkey climbs, the more you can see of its ass.

(Vinegar Joe) (1883 – 1946) American army general
Characteristics People

My girlfriend said to me in bed last night' 'you're a pervert;’ I said, 'that's a big word for a girl of nine.’

(1956 – ) American comedian
Characteristics Situations

An ethical man is a Christian holding four aces.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics

As blushing will sometimes make a whore pass for a virtuous woman, so modesty may make a fool seem a man of sense.

(1667 – 1745) Irish satirist & essayist
Characteristics Fools Intelligence Men People Women

Refinement: The ability to yawn without opening your mouth.

Characteristics Definitions

It is the dull man who is always sure, and the sure man who is always dull.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Characteristics People