Subject: Characteristics (Page 45)

I'm a passive-aggressive; that's what this counselor labeled me, which really ticked me off, but I couldn't do a thing about it – not right then, but I made plans.

American comedian

One thing that's good about procrastination is that you always have something planned for tomorrow.

(1890 – 1973) English writer & critic

Self-respect: the secure feeling that no one, as yet, is suspicious.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

I keep reading between the lies.

(Aiskowitz) (1899 – 1982) humorist

Many a live wire would be a dead one except for his connections.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter

Nothing risqué, nothing gained.

(1887 – 1943) theater critic & commentator

My boyfriend's kids are half-Swedish, half-Norwegian: "They're see-through."

American stand-up comedian, television writer & actor

There are two kinds of truth: there are real truths, and there are made up truths.

(1936 – ) American politician, Mayor of Washington, D.C.

Strength is the capacity to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands – and then eat just one of the pieces.

(1931 – ) American author & newspaper journalist

Misery no longer loves company; nowadays it insists on it.

(1925 – ) columnist & journalist

My pessimism extends to the point of even suspecting the sincerity of the pessimists.

(1894 – 1977) French biologist & philosopher

Telling lies does not work in advertising.

(1909 – 1966) Polish poet, writer & aphorist

Refinement: The ability to yawn without opening your mouth.

He used to be fairly indecisive, but now he's not so certain.

British professional golfer & commentator

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

The man’s desire for a son is usually nothing but the wish to duplicate himself in order that such a remarkable pattern may not be lost to the world.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist

Well at least he has finally found his true love… what a pity he can’t marry himself.

(1915 – 1998) American singer & actor

The less a statesman amounts to, the more he loves the flag.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist

Her virtue was that she said what she thought, her vice – that what she thought didn't amount to much.

(1921 – 2004) English actor & author

The last person who quit or was fired will be held responsible for everything that goes wrong – until the next person quits or is fired.

It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world, and moral courage so rare.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist