Subject: Characteristics (Page 49)

Tolerance: Another word for indifference.

Characteristics Definitions

My last boyfriend gave me a piece of coal, and he told me that he would marry me when it turned into a diamond from all the pressure.

(1961 – ) American stand-up comedian
Characteristics Marriage

When one guy sees an invisible man he’s a nut case; ten people see him it’s a cult; ten million people see him it’s a respected religion.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor
Beliefs Characteristics God Intelligence Religion

Kindness goes a long ways lots o' times when it ought t' stay at home.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Characteristics

You can get a lot more done with a kind word and a gun than with a kind word alone.

(1899 – 1947) American gangster
Arms Characteristics Things

You can’t trust water: even a straight stick turns crooked in it.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Characteristics Things

He is the kind of man who would cut down a redwood tree and then mount the stump to make a speech for conservation.

(1900 – 1965) diplomat & Democratic politician
Characteristics Insults

Advertising is 85% confusion and 15% commission.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
Characteristics Communication Money

Fine words! … I wonder where you stole them.

(1667 – 1745) Irish satirist & essayist
Characteristics Communication Honesty Insults

My Hungarian grandfather was the kind of man that could follow someone into a revolving door and come out first.

(1957 – ) English actor, writer, journalist, comedian & film director
Characteristics

Maybe money corrupts the character; but lack of money isn't going to improve it either.

(1902 – 1968) novelist
Characteristics Money

Whatever else can be said about sex, it cannot be called a dignified performance.

(1907 – 1982) American journalist, editor & author
Characteristics Sex

If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in bed with a mosquito.


Characteristics Situations

Telling lies is a fault in a boy, an art in a lover, an accomplishment in a bachelor, and second-nature in a married man.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist
Characteristics Honesty Husbands Lies

An optimist is a fellow who believes a housefly is looking for a way to get out.

(1882 – 1958) drama critic, editor
Animals Characteristics

If everything seems to be coming your way, you're probably in the wrong lane.

Characteristics Murphy’s Laws Situations

The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.

(1939 – ) comedian, actress, writer & producer
Characteristics Work

It is a sin to believe evil of others, but is is seldom a mistake.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Characteristics

My wife, who tends to be overcautious, had the ultrasound last week, which, even the doctors say, is not necessary when you're adopting.

(1946 – ) American comedian, actor & voice actor
Characteristics

To find out a girl’s faults, praise her to her girl friends.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor
Characteristics Friends Old People Women

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.

(1876 to 1944) German-American painter & lithographer
Characteristics