Subject: Characteristics (Page 49)

If you don't like my opinion of you, you can always improve.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist
Beliefs Characteristics Opinion

The dread of loneliness is greater than the fear of bondage, so we get married.

(1903 – 1974) English intellectual, literary critic & writer
Characteristics Marriage

A gentleman never swears at his wife when ladies are present.

Characteristics Men People

I think women who think size doesn't matter are shallow.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Appearance Body Characteristics

Whenever A annoys or injures B on the pretense of saving or improving X, A is a scoundrel.

Characteristics Conflict Murphy’s Laws

You think of me as narcissistic when actually I'm just oblivious to other people.

(1954 – ) American stand-up comedian
Characteristics People Self

Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics People

An optimist is a fellow who believes a housefly is looking for a way to get out.

(1882 – 1958) drama critic, editor
Animals Characteristics

She looked at me like a cow looking at a new gate.

Appearance Characteristics Expressions Intelligence

I used to be indecisive; but now I'm not sure.

Characteristics Situations

Most people’s self-esteem isn't low enough.


Characteristics

Good manners: The noise you don't make when you're eating soup.

(1898 – 1971) American humorist
Characteristics

Indecision may or may not be my problem.

(1946 – ) singer, songwriter, author & businessman
Characteristics Intelligence Problems

Nothing makes you more tolerant of a neighbor's noisy party than being there.

(1908 – 1980) businessman, humorist
Characteristics People Situations

Please don't lie to me, unless you're absolutely sure I'll never find out the truth.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist
Characteristics Honesty Lies Truth

I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out.

(1961 – 1994) comedian
Characteristics

Strike an average between what a woman thinks of her husband a month before she marries him and what she thinks of him a year afterward, and you will have the truth about him.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Characteristics Husbands Marriage Time Truth Wives

My wife says I’m unsophisticated and uncultured, so to prove her wrong, guess where I’m taking her… hint: It starts with “B” and rhymes with “wallet.”

Characteristics Wordplay

Imagine being in a room filled with losers.

(1968 – ) Welsh comedian
Characteristics People

Nothing risqué, nothing gained.

(1887 – 1943) theater critic & commentator
Characteristics Language Sex

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; this is the principal difference between dog and man.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Animals Characteristics Dogs People