Subject: Characteristics (Page 49)

She was a brunette by birth, but a blonde by habit.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Appearance Characteristics

Homosexuality is God’s way of ensuring that the truly gifted aren’t burdened with children.

comedian, composer & lyricist
Characteristics Children Intelligence People

A man of courage never needs weapons, but he may need bail.

(1895 – 1990) American writer
Characteristics

Somewhere between the Angels and the French lies the rest of humanity.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics People

Every man has his follies – and often they are the most interesting thing he has got.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Characteristics Intelligence

Charity begins at home… at about 6:30, when they call you and interrupt your dinner.

Characteristics

Even a sixty-year-old man with no arms thinks he could play in the Super Bowl if he had to.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Age Characteristics Men People Sports

The higher the building the lower the morals.

(1899 – 1973) English playwright, actor, composer, director & songwriter
Characteristics Things

My wife, who tends to be overcautious, had the ultrasound last week, which, even the doctors say, is not necessary when you're adopting.

(1946 – ) American comedian, actor & voice actor
Characteristics

You only lie to two people in your life: your girlfriend and the police.

(1937 – ) American actor
Characteristics Honesty Lies

As anyone who has ever been around a cat for any length of time well knows, cats have enormous patience with the limitations of the human kind.

(1917 – 1998) author, critic, animal rights activist
Animals Cats Characteristics People

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Characteristics Driving Situations

When we played softball, I’d steal second base, feel guilty and go back.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Characteristics Sports

A gold mine is a hole in the ground with a liar on top.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics

I try not to break the rules but merely to test their elasticity.

(1914 – 1986) American baseball team owner & promoter
Characteristics Honesty

I don't care what is written about me so long as it isn't true.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Characteristics Communication Reading/Writing Truth

A man thinks he amounts to a great deal but to a flea or a mosquito a human being is merely something good to eat.

(1878 – 1937) humorist, journalist & author
Characteristics Food/Drink

If peeing in your pants is cool, consider me Miles Davis.


Characteristics TV/Movie Quotes

Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator
Characteristics Failure Success

Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.

(1918 – 2002) advice columnist
Animals Characteristics Dogs Opinion

How many of you have ever started dating because you were too lazy to commit suicide?

(1956 – ) American entertainer & comedian
Characteristics Dating Relationships