Subject: Characteristics (Page 9)

Modesty is my best quality.

(1894 – 1974) comedian, radio & television host
Characteristics

She’d complain if Jesus came down and handed her a $5 bill.

Characteristics Communication

If the facts don't fit the theory, change the facts.

(1879 – 1955) German-born physicist
Characteristics Facts Intelligence Situations Truth

You know, you can’t please all the people all the time… and last night, all those people were at my show.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Characteristics Entertainment People

When you stop drinking, you have to deal with this marvelous personality that started you drinking in the first place.

(1930 – 2017) American journalist & author
Alcohol Characteristics Food/Drink

I’m told he’s [a] decent sort when you get to know him, but no one ever has, so his decency is sort of secret.

(1937 – ) British playwright & screenwriter
Characteristics

When I was a child, what I wanted to be when I grew up was an invalid.

(1908 – 1999) English writer
Characteristics

A man of courage never needs weapons, but he may need bail.

(1895 – 1990) American writer
Characteristics

If you don't know what introspection is… you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.

(1988 – ) English stand-up comedian & actor
Characteristics Communication Wordplay

Following the path of least resistance is what makes men and rivers crooked.

Characteristics Honesty Murphy’s Laws

An optimist thinks this is the best of all worlds; a pessimist fears the same may be true.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
Characteristics People

I'm not a lesbian; I can't even do improv.

(1958 – ) American actress & stand-up comedian
Characteristics Sex

The greatest of faults, I should say, is to be conscious of none.

(1795 – 1881) Scottish philosopher, writer, historian & teacher
Characteristics

Men are brave enough to go to war, but they are not brave enough to get a bikini wax.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Characteristics Men People War

Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.

(1945 – 2010) American comedian & actor
Characteristics Honesty Intelligence

Very sorry can't come; lie follows by post.

(1846 – 1919) British Admiral & member of Parliament
Characteristics Honesty Lies

Aim high, and you won't shoot your foot off.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Characteristics

He is racist, he's homophobic, he's xenophobic and he's a sexist; he's the perfect Republican candidate.

(1940 – ) talk radio host, political commentator and author
Characteristics Insults

Culture is what your butcher would have if he were a surgeon.

author
Characteristics

I am a man of fixed and unbending principles, the first of which is to be flexible at all times.

(1896 – 1969) American congressman & senator (Illinois)
Characteristics People Self

I would rather be an opportunist and float than go to the bottom with my principles round my neck.

(1867 – 1947) British politician
Characteristics Self