Subject: Classifieds (Page 6)

Wednesday, September 21 – Ball-A-Palooza! 5000 golf balls will be dropped from a helicopter for a chance to win great prizes. Sponsored by the N.E.W. Curative Rehabilitation, Inc. with all proceeds going directly into the Brain Injury Program…

FOR SALE: Braille dictionary. Must see to appreciate! Call Jerry

Pennzoil/Quaker State OIL CHANGE – $12 plus oil & filter

Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.

No matter what your topcoat is made of, this miracle spray will make it really repellent.

Lost: Search & Rescue Dog – From 13th and Peoria area. Sunday, May…

Wanted – Director Of Advertsing [sic]

$17,962 – ’98 Lincolon Town Car

MANAGEMENT POSITIONS AVAILABLE – Contact Tony – Vacation, uniforms, meals and possible salary – McDonald’s

LOST – WEDDING RING, men’s, Hooters’s parking lot, 6/27, Reward! Call…

Ashes to Portraits – is a unique, ONE-OF-A-KIND concept. We create beautiful painted portraits using your loved one’s ashes and our secret mixture of oil paint!…

Now Hiring – Cashier – Weekends – Must be 21+, Applications Avail. Inside – Cannot look anything like “Skeletor” from “He-Man”

SITUATIONS WANTED – WILL CLEAN your home, will take in washing & ironing in my home. Will also tattoo pet dog at your home. 297-….

Save on Manor Hall Interior Latex – Semi-Gross – $26.90…

NEW LISTING – CARBONDALE – Move right into this 3 bedroom, 1.25 bath home, featuring foyer with split staircase, mysterious hidden commode, off street parking yard. $79,900.

’06 Frod Focus $9,999

Remote Controlled Genitalia – Think of all the fun you’ll have!!! …

Ambulance Service – Non-Emergency – Sims Funeral Home

My ideal woman is a man. Sorry, mother.

Spakling Wines – with Iron Horse Vineyards – a blend of 30% Chardonnay…

Easygoing athletic SJM, 41, seeking SF, looks not important, must be tall, slim and attractive.