Subject: Communication » Language (Page 15)

I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

Language Science/Weather

Watch out for irregular verbs which has cropped up into our language.

Communication Language Murphy’s Laws Reading/Writing

Diagnosis: A physician's forecast of the disease by the patient's pulse and purse.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Health Language Money

She was a bilingual illiterate… she couldn't read in two different languages.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Communication Language Reading/Writing

1. Never use one word when a dozen will suffice.
2. If it can be understood, it's not finished yet.
3. Never be the first to do anything.

Communication Language Murphy’s Laws

If I had a bookstore I would make all the mystery novels hard to find.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Books Communication Language Reading/Writing

The words “don't" and “isn’t” are contraptions.

Communication Language Malaprops

I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together; it was riveting.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Language

Politics makes estranged bedfellows.

(Aiskowitz) (1899 – 1982) humorist
Government Language Politics

Each pronoun agrees with their antecedent.

Communication Language Murphy’s Laws Reading/Writing

I love going on blind dates because you can stare at their tits. … Some of you are now thinking — “Hey you can’t make fun of the blind…” Watch me.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Dating Language Relationships

When the Iraq war started … little did George Bush know.

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Conflict Intelligence Language

I, of course, don’t have an accent; this is just how things sound when they are pronounced properly.

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Communication Language

Like most comics, I just broke up with my girlfriend… the reason we broke up is because I caught her lying – under another man.

(1964 – ) American stand-up comedian
Girlfriends Language Relationships Sex

I like when good things happen to me, but I wait two weeks to tell anyone because I like to use the word ‘fortnight.’

(1973 – ) American comedian
Communication Language Time

Barometer: An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language Old Science/Weather

Throwing acid is wrong, in some people’s eyes.

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Communication Language

The past does not repeat itself, but it rhymes.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Language Past Time

When in doubt, ascribe all quotations to Bernard Shaw.

(1944 – ) English writer & broadcaster
Communication Language Reading/Writing

We have really everything in common with America nowadays, except, of course, language.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
America England Language Places

It's a damn poor mind that can only think of one way to spell a word.

(1767 – 1845) 7th U.S. president
Communication Language Reading/Writing