Subject: Communication » Language (Page 18)

“Good morning” is a contradiction of terms.

(1945 –) American cartoonist (Garfield)
Communication Language

Using words to describe magic is like using a screwdriver to cut roast beef.

(1936 – ) novelist
Communication Food/Drink Language Things

I bought a dictionary, and the first thing I did was look up dictionary… it said “you’re an asshole.”

(1973 – ) American comedian
Books Communication Language Reading/Writing

I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

Language Science/Weather

And don't use conjunctions to start sentences.

Communication Language Reading/Writing

The original Mickey Mouse cartoon was in Mouse, with English subtitles.

comedian
Communication Entertainment Language

Cat: A soft, indestructible automaton provided by nature to be kicked when things go wrong in the domestic circle.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Animals Cats Communication Definitions Language

Men get laid, but women get screwed.

(1908 – 1999) English writer
Language Men People Sex Women

I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered, but I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: – 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.'

(1884 – 1962) diplomat & reformer & first lady
Communication Language

Patience: A minor form of despair, disguised as a virtue.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Characteristics Communication Definitions Language

I don’t give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Communication Language People

Consolation: The knowledge that a better man is more unfortunate than yourself.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

I like terra firma; the more firma, the less terra.

(1889 – 1961) Am. playwright, theater director & producer & humorist
Communication Language

When the Iraq war started … little did George Bush know.

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Conflict Intelligence Language

Mercy: An attribute beloved of detected offenders.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Characteristics Communication Definitions Language

Craig Bellamy has literally been on fire.

Scottish football player & manager
Communication Language Misspokements

The only man, woman, or child who ever wrote a simple declarative sentence with seven grammatical errors is dead.

(1894 – 1962) American poet, painter, essayist, author & playwright
Communication Insults Language Reading/Writing

If something is 1.0, you don't need to say, 'point oh.'

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Communication Language

Each pronoun agrees with their antecedent.

Communication Language Murphy’s Laws Reading/Writing

Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.

(1937 – ) comedian & television actor
Children Communication Language

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Animals Language