Subject: Communication » Language (Page 19)

No one has a finer command of language than the person who keeps his mouth shut.

(1882 – 1961) politician
Communication Language Situations

Why are hemorrhoids called “hemorrhoids” instead of “assteroids”?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Language

When I was a child my father attacked me with cameras; I still have flashbacks.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Language Things

It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence to never practice either of them.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
America Communication Language Places Speech

If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Language People Things

English? Who needs that? I’m never going to England.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Communication England Language Places

Clairvoyant: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron, namely, that he is a blockhead.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

Poets are literal-minded men who will squeeze a word till it hurts.

(1892 – 1982) American writer
Communication Language Reading/Writing

What if there were no hypothetical questions?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Communication Language

I read the greens in Spanish, but putt in English.

(1935 – ) Puerto Rican professional golfer
Golf Language Sports

It is a cliché that most clichés are true, but then like most clichés, that cliché is untrue.

(1957 – ) English actor, writer, journalist, comedian & film director
Communication Language

It was strange. The only English words I saw were Sony and Mitsubishi.

American baseball player
Baseball Communication Language Misspokements Sports

I went to a 7-11 and asked for a 2×4 and a box of 3×5′s and the clerk said, “ten-four.”


Activities Communication Language Shopping

All phone calls are obscene.

American author
Communication Language