Subject: Communication » Language (Page 3)

A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street the other day; she said, "Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?" I said, All right, but we're not going to get much done.

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Communication Language Situations

The word 'spermicide' sounds like something sperms would do as a last resort; 'I'm not going out there anymore. I can't take it.'

stand-up comedian & actor
Language Science/Weather

‘Finger Puppet’ sounds OK as a noun.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Communication Language

The past does not repeat itself, but it rhymes.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Language Past Time

Then, of course, there's that old one: Never use a preposition to end a sentence with.

Communication Language Murphy’s Laws Reading/Writing

I have an idea that the phrase ‘weaker sex’ was coined by some woman to disarm the man she was preparing to overwhelm.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Language Men People Women

I speak two languages, Body and English.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Body Communication Language

If I had a bookstore I would make all the mystery novels hard to find.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Books Communication Language Reading/Writing

She went into the hospital after being bitten by a spider in a bathing suit.

(1908 – 1997) German-born teacher, academic & humorist
Language Misspokements

If I seem out of it tonight, it's 'cause I'm hooked on phonics.

comedian
Communication Drugs Language

Women speak two languages – one of which is verbal.

(1564 – 1616) English dramatist & poet
Communication Language People Women

And don't use conjunctions to start sentences.

Communication Language Reading/Writing

My goal in life is to open up a nail salon in Vietnam, where all my workers speak nothing but English.

American-Mexican stand-up comedian & actress
Communication Language Places

Good things don’t end in ‘eum,’ they end in ‘mania’…or ‘teria’.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Communication Language TV/Movie Quotes

I was in a book store and saw a French looking girl, she was bi-illterate… she couldn’t read in two languages.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Communication Language Reading/Writing

The words “don't" and “isn’t” are contraptions.

Communication Language Malaprops

Calling Durante's nose large is like calling Jack Benny "thrifty."

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Appearance Language

Why does your nose run and your feet smell?

Appearance Body Language

The only man, woman, or child who ever wrote a simple declarative sentence with seven grammatical errors is dead.

(1894 – 1962) American poet, painter, essayist, author & playwright
Communication Insults Language Reading/Writing

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Language Money

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Animals Language