Subject: Communication » Language (Page 4)

The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Communication Language

Who’s cruel idea was it to put an “s” in the word “lisp”?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Ideas Intelligence Language

I don’t give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Communication Language People

I hope God speaks English; if I get up to heaven and have to point at a menu, I'm gonna be pissed.

(1975 – ) American stand-up comedian & television host
Beliefs Communication Eating God Language

Where there's a will, there's an inheritance tax.

Death Government Language Taxes

The road to hell is paved with adverbs.

(1947 – ) novelist, screenwriter
Communication Language Reading/Writing Things

Bore: A person who talks when you wish him to listen.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Individuals Language

Philanthropist: A rich (and usually bald) old gentleman who has trained himself to grin while his conscience is picking his pocket.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language Wealth

Did I already tell you my Alzheimer's joke?

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Language

There is a very fine line between 'hobby' and 'mental illness.

Communication Health Language

A metaphor is like a simile.


Communication Language

I have learned the difference between a cactus and a caucus; on a cactus, the pricks are on the outside.

(1922 – 1998) U.S. Representative (Arizona) & politician
Communication Government Language Politics

Swearing was invented as a compromise between running away and fighting.

(1867 – 1936) author & humorist
Communication Language

When cheese gets it's picture taken, what does it say?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Communication Food/Drink Language

Hector Torres, how can you communicate with Enzo Hernandez when he speaks Spanish and you speak Mexican?

(1924 – 2014) American baseball player & announcer
Communication Language Misspokements

If something is 1.0, you don't need to say, 'point oh.'

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Communication Language

I was in a book store and saw a French looking girl, she was bi-illterate… she couldn’t read in two languages.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Communication Language Reading/Writing

In letters themes reports articles and stuff like that we use commas to keep strings apart.

Communication Language Murphy’s Laws Reading/Writing

I went to a 7-11 and asked for a 2×4 and a box of 3×5′s and the clerk said, “ten-four.”


Activities Communication Language Shopping

A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead.

Language Murphy’s Laws

A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men, and I just want to say to the authors of that study "Duh."

(1963 – ) television host & comedian
Communication Language Men People Women