Subject: Communication (Page 10)

My handwriting looks as if a swarm of ants, escaping from an ink bottle, had walked over a sheet of paper without wiping their legs.

(1771 – 1845) English writer & Anglican clergyman
Communication People Reading/Writing Self

It's a rare person who wants to hear what he doesn't want to hear.

(1936 – ) television talk show host
Communication Individuals People

A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to rouse the interest, but long enough to cover the essentials.

(1888 – 1957) English priest & theologian
Communication

If it’s sent by ship then it’s a cargo, if it’s sent by road then it’s a shipment.

(1936 – 2005) Irish comedian
Communication Definitions Language

Never tell them what you wouldn't do.

Communication Murphy’s Laws

Some people are widely read – I'm thinly read.

(1962 – ) English stand-up comedian & actor
Communication Intelligence People Reading/Writing Self

Nothing but old fags and cabbage-stumps of quotations from the Bible and the rest, stewed in the juice of deliberate, journalistic dirty-mindedness.

(1885 – 1930) English novelist, poet, playwright, essayist, literary critic & painter
Communication Insults

I must tell you that the supply of words on the world market is plentiful, but the demand is falling.

(1943 – ) Polish trade-union organizer, human-rights activist & president
Communication

Three years ago, I couldn't spell author. Now I am one.

Canadian hockey player, coach & commentator
Communication Hockey Reading/Writing Sports

I think that people who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.

(1954 – ) comedian & television actor
Communication Lies Reading/Writing

Peace: In international affairs, a period of cheating between two periods of fighting.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Fights Politics Time

Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Communication Facts Language Science/Weather

Hou know what always captures my eye… short people with umbrellas.

(1973 – ) English writer & stand-up comedian
Communication Wordplay

‘Pessimist’ is a word used by optimists to describe someone who sees the world for what it really is.

(1948 – ) English novelist
Communication Language Life

If dogs could talk it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one.

(1919 – 2011) American news commentator & writer
Animals Communication Dogs Speech

You’ve got to give the guy some slack… he’s caught between Iraq and a hard-on.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
Situations Wordplay

Avant-garde? … That’s French for bullshit.

(1940 – 1980) English rock musician, singer & songwriter
Communication Language

A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.

(1667 – 1745) Irish satirist & essayist
Beliefs Characteristics Communication Lies Truth

They say you shouldn’t say nothin’ about the dead unless it’s good; he’s dead… good!

(1894 – 1975) American comedian
Communication Death Speech

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian
Alcohol Communication Food/Drink Reading/Writing

It’s hard to get ivory in Africa, but in Alabama the Tuscaloosa.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Communication Wordplay