Subject: Communication (Page 14)

Do people in Australia, call the rest of the world, "Up Over"?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

I can tell I’m getting old because my Kindle is turning into a self-help library.

(1982 – ) American actress, stand-up comedian & writer

And always remember the last words of my grandfather, who said, “A truck!”

(1956 – ) American comedian

Be careful about reading health books for you may die of a misprint.

(1747 – 1803) German Jewish physician & lecturer on philosophy

What do people mean when they say the computer went down on me?

comedian, commentator, radio host, reporter & writer

Farmer: A handy man with a sense of humus.

I met this girl, she was an actress, and she gave me her number; it started with 555.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

Outspoken? By whom?

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet

Ya better keep a civilian tongue in your head.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)

Work and play are words used to describe the same thing under differing conditions.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

Do they give pilots crash courses in flight school?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

It's a strange world of language in which skating on thin ice can get you into hot water.

(1908 – 1980) businessman, humorist

When life gets you down, make a comforter.

American comedian

If you want to read about love and marriage, you've got to buy two separate books.

(1927 – 2004) American comedian & actor

A stupid man’s report of what a clever man says is never accurate because he unconsciously translates what he hears into something he can understand.

(1872 – 1970) British philosopher, mathematician, historian & social critic

I believe in talking behind peoples’ backs; that way, they hear it more than once.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist

Coward: One who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Studying literature at Harvard is like learning about women at the Mayo Clinic.

(1941) American writer & humorist

The trouble with talking too fast is you may say something you haven't thought of yet.

(1918 – 2002) advice columnist

I can read minds but, it’s pointless cause I’m illiterate.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

Her tongue is so long she could lick a skillet from the front porch.