Subject: Communication (Page 15)

It's what you do that counts and not what you say; therefore I fired my press agent.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Communication Speech

My wife says I’m unsophisticated and uncultured, so to prove her wrong, guess where I’m taking her… hint: It starts with “B” and rhymes with “wallet.”

Characteristics Wordplay

Foreword: An author’s apology.

Books Definitions

Good things don’t end in ‘eum,’ they end in ‘mania’…or ‘teria’.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Communication Language TV/Movie Quotes

Misquotations are the only quotations that are never misquoted.

(1887 – 1964) British actor, writer & theater director
Communication Language Speech

A clever remark is one you don’t make at the appropriate moment, but compose immediately after.

Communication Murphy’s Laws Speech

For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off.

(1925 – 2005) television host
Communication Death Hair Time

Umpire: The original strike arbitrator.

Definitions Wordplay

If I want your opinion, I’ll give it to you.

(1879 – 1974) film producer
Beliefs Communication Misspokements Opinion Speech

I am having an out-of-money experience.

Communication Wordplay

Tears: Remorse code.

Definitions Wordplay

I have been told by hospital authorities that more copies of my works are left behind by departing patients than those of any other author.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist
Books Communication Health Reading/Writing

I had a job drilling holes for water… it was well, boring.


Communication Wordplay

Fine words! … I wonder where you stole them.

(1667 – 1745) Irish satirist & essayist
Characteristics Communication Honesty Insults

Snoring: Sheet music.

Definitions Sleep Wordplay

Oh good, now he’ll be bi-ignorant.

(1943 – ) U.S. agriculture commissioner, columnist, activist & author
Communication Insults Intelligence Language

Learning: The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Education Language Learning

I had the right to remain silent, but I had lost the ability to.

(1956 – ) American stand-up comedian
Alcohol Speech

There was a young man from Peru

Whose limericks stopped at line two.

Communication Wordplay

We work in the toy department.

(1909 – 1973) American sports journalist
Communication Reading/Writing Sports

There's always someone willing to disagree with me; but I'm the one who's called controversial.

David Gerrold (1944 – ) science fiction author
Characteristics Communication