Subject: Communication (Page 16)

The man who doesn’t read good books has no advantage over the man who can’t read them.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Books Communication Reading/Writing

Diagnosis: A physician's forecast of the disease by the patient's pulse and purse.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Health Language Money

I used to go to the driving range to practice driving without slicing; now I go to the driving range to practice slicing without swearing.

(1941 – ) poet, author, editor & anthologist
Communication Golf Speech Sports

The fury engendered by the misspelling of a name in a (newspaper) column is in direct ratio to the obscurity of the mentionee.

Anger Characteristics Language Murphy’s Laws Reading/Writing

Rock journalism is people who can’t write, interviewing people who can’t talk, in order to provide articles for people who can’t read.

(1940 – 1993) composer, guitarist, record producer & film director
Communication Reading/Writing Reviews/Criticism

If you can’t explain what you’re doing in simple English, you are probably doing something wrong.

Communication Intelligence Language Murphy’s Laws

Too often, people who want to offer sound advice give more sound than advice!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Communication Intelligence Speech

I used to be in a band called ‘Missing Cat’… you probably saw our posters.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Language Situations

Outside of a dog, a book is your best friend, and inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Age Animals Books Communication Dogs Intelligence Reading/Writing Relationships Situations

I called that Rape Advice Line earlier today… unfortunately, it’s only for victims.

(1973 – ) English writer & stand-up comedian
Communication Wordplay

Snoring: Sheet music.

Definitions Sleep Wordplay

The only thing I said to my parents when I was a teenager was “Hang up, I got it!”

comedian, writer, actor & producer
Age Children Communication Family Parents Speech Young

I realized I was dyslexic when I went to a toga party dressed as a goat.

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Wordplay

No one ever committed suicide while reading a good book, but many have tried while trying to write one.

(1972 – ) Irish stand-up comedian, voice over artist & actor
Books Communication Death Reading/Writing

Writing comes more easily if you have something to say.

(1880 – 1957) Polish-Jewish novelist, dramatist & essayist
Communication Reading/Writing

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Language Situations

First time I ever read the dictionary, I thought it was a poem about everything.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Books Communication Reading/Writing

The minute you read something that you can’t understand, you can almost be sure that it was drawn up by a lawyer.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
Communication Government Intelligence Law Lawyers Understanding

Gossip: Hearing something you like about someone you don’t.

(1907 – 1987) journalist & columnist
Communication Speech

‘Pessimist’ is a word used by optimists to describe someone who sees the world for what it really is.

(1948 – ) English novelist
Communication Language Life

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Happiness Language People Sex