Subject: Communication (Page 16)

A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead.

Language Murphy’s Laws

Defame: To lie about another. To tell the truth about another.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language Lies Truth

The perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical.

(1963 – ) Canadian writer, actor & stand-up comedian
Wordplay

We need a president who's fluent in at least one language.

(1930 – ) actor, writer, film & television director
Communication Government Language President

Urinalysis: The study of pissed off people.

Definitions Health Wordplay

The worst feature of a new baby is its mother’s singing.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Communication Entertainment Family Mothers

I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Beliefs Communication

Truth is stranger than fiction; fiction has to make sense.

(1908 – 1997) German-born teacher, academic & humorist
Characteristics Communication Honesty Truth

Whenever you hear the word save, it is usually the beginning of an advertisement designed to make you spend money.

Communication Language Money

Delegation: In American politics, an article of merchandise that comes in sets.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Government Language

If you steal from one author it’s plagiarism; if you steal from many it’s research.

Communication Murphy’s Laws Reading/Writing

A gossip is someone who talks to you about others, a bore is someone who talks to you about himself, and a brilliant conversationalist is one who talks to you about yourself.

(1925 – 1990) American actor
Communication Conversation People Self Speech

Profanity: The father tongue.

Communication Definitions Language Speech

Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is moving.

Communication Education Learning Speech

The reason most people talk to themselves is because they’re often the only ones who will listen.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Communication Speech

Today I held the elevator door open for a spastic… sorry that’s an inappropriate word for this site, I meant ‘lift.’

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Language

Sad news, apparently the Michelin Man has retired.

(1973 – ) English writer & stand-up comedian
Communication Wordplay

If you cannot convince them, confuse them.

(1884 – 1972) 33rd U.S. president
Communication

She's just trying to make sure Anthony gets a good meal… Antonio.

(1946 – ) 43rd U.S. president
Communication

Kids, just because I don't care doesn't mean I'm not listening.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Communication Speech

Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.

(1910 – 1991) American art historian, photographer, author & editor
Books Communication Reading/Writing