Subject: Communication (Page 18)

When cheese gets it's picture taken, what does it say?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Communication Food/Drink Language

American Language: English run over by a musical comedy.

Communication Definitions

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Animals Language

Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
Communication Death

Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail.
Corollary: Corresponding errors will show up in the duplicate while the boss is reading it.

Communication Mistakes Murphy’s Laws Problems

Today I held the elevator door open for a spastic… sorry that’s an inappropriate word for this site, I meant ‘lift.’

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Language

The greatest man who ever came out of Plymouth Corner, Vermont.

(1857 – 1938) American lawyer
Communication Places

Never lend books, for no one ever returns them; the only books I have in my library are books that other folk have lent me.

(1844 – 1924) French novelist
Books Communication

One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Communication People Speech

You can wait here in the sitting room, or you can sit here in the waiting room.

American comedy troupe
Communication Wordplay

Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is moving.

Communication Education Learning Speech

Nothing conduces to brevity like a caving in of the knees.

(1809 – 1894) physician, professor, lecturer & author
Communication Reading/Writing

My books are water; those of the great geniuses are wine… (Fortunately) everybody drinks water.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Books Communication Self

Politicians who complain about the media are like ships’ captains who complain about the sea.

(1912 – 1998) British politician
Communication Government Politicians

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Communication Religion Speech

Calling Durante's nose large is like calling Jack Benny "thrifty."

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Appearance Language

Nothing but old fags and cabbage-stumps of quotations from the Bible and the rest, stewed in the juice of deliberate, journalistic dirty-mindedness.

(1885 – 1930) English novelist, poet, playwright, essayist, literary critic & painter
Communication Insults

Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.


Communication Reading/Writing

Why should I give my readers bad lines of my own when good ones of other people’s are so plenty?

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor
Communication

If criticism had any power to harm, the skunk would be extinct by now.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
Animals Communication

Latin Course To Be Canceled – No Interest Among Students, et al.

Communication Headlines Language