Subject: Communication (Page 20)

I have voices in my head, but they're all speaking Spanish, and I have NO idea what they're saying.

(1975 – ) American stand-up comedian & television host
Communication Language Speech

The critic has to educate the public; the artist has to educate the critic.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Communication Entertainment Opinion

Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?

(1939 – ) comedian, actress, writer & producer
Communication

A drawing is always dragged down to the level of its caption.

(1894 – 1961) author, cartoonist & humorist
Communication Reading/Writing

A newspaper consists of just the same number of words, whether there be any news in it or not.

(1707 – 1754) English dramatist & novelist
Communication Reading/Writing

As a kid I was made to walk the plank… we couldn’t afford a dog.

(1973 – ) English writer & stand-up comedian
Communication Wordplay

Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.

(1918 – 2002) Irish comedian, writer, musician, poet & playwright
Sex Wordplay

All Englishmen talk as if they’ve got a bushel of plums stuck in their throats, and then after swallowing them get constipated from the pips.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
England Insults Places Speech

No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying.

Communication Marriage Speech Wives

Graduation speeches were invented largely in the belief that college students should never be released into the world until they have been properly sedated.

(1919 – 2000) Canadian prime minister & politician
Communication School Speech

No self-respecting fish would want to be wrapped in a [Rupert] Murdoch newspaper.

(1932 – 1997) newspaper columnist
Communication Insults Reading/Writing

Hou know what always captures my eye… short people with umbrellas.

(1973 – ) English writer & stand-up comedian
Communication Wordplay

Four-letter Word: Par for the coarse.

Definitions Golf Language Sports

Quotation: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language Speech

One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures.

(1946 – ) 43rd U.S. president
Books Communication Reading/Writing

Women should be obscene and not heard.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Language Speech Women

Alarm Clock: That which scares the daylight out of you.

Definitions Wordplay

Never lend books, for no one ever returns them; the only books I have in my library are books that other folk have lent me.

(1844 – 1924) French novelist
Books Communication

Congress: A body of men who meet to repeal laws.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Government Language Law

Siamese twins are interesting because they are the only people who can write a biography and an autobiography at the same time.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Books Communication People Reading/Writing

Using words to describe magic is like using a screwdriver to cut roast beef.

(1936 – ) novelist
Communication Food/Drink Language Things