Subject: Communication (Page 21)

Hello!… we heard you at the door, but just thought you were part of the bad weather.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Communication People

I never met anybody who said when they were a kid, “I wanna grow up and be a critic.”

(1940 – 2005) comedian & movie actor
Communication Occupations Work

Through no fault of his own my uncle crashed his car into a lemon tree; he is still bitter and twisted.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Wordplay

Why are hemorrhoids called “hemorrhoids” instead of “assteroids”?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Language

Every day I add to the list of things I refuse to discuss; the wiser the man, the longer the list.

(1741 – 1794) French writer
Communication Ideas

I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together; it was riveting.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Wordplay

My wife… its difficult to say what she does… she sells seashells on the seashore.

(1964 – ) English comedian
Communication

Nothing is as irritating as the fellow who chats pleasantly while he's overcharging you.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Characteristics Communication Money Speech

Oppose: To assist with obstructions and objections.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

My father was a small claims court jester.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Family Fathers Wordplay

Everybody lies; but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.

Characteristics Communication Honesty Lies Murphy’s Laws

I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn’t study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people.

(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician
Communication Language Misspokements Places

If a parsley farmer loses a law suit, do they garnish his wages?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Communication Wordplay

I hate Twitter… it’s like a state surveillance agency staffed by gullible volunteers.

(1968 – ) English comedian, writer, director & musician
Communication

When I was born, I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half.

(1895 – 1964) comedian (wife & partner of George Burns)
Age Communication Speech Time

Alcatraz: A pen with a lifetime guarantee.

Definitions Wordplay

University: A modern school where football is taught.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Education Football Language School

A good storyteller is a person with a good memory and hopes other people haven't.

(1876 – 1944) American author, humorist & columnist
Communication Memory Speech

Men get laid, but women get screwed.

(1908 – 1999) English writer
Language Men People Sex Women

What greater service could I have performed for German literature than that I didn’t bother with it?


Books Communication

It's from lack of practice.

(1763 – 1855) English poet
Communication