Subject: Communication (Page 29)

Diagnosis: A physician's forecast of the disease by the patient's pulse and purse.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Health Language Money

Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Communication Language Reading/Writing Things

Names were not so much dropped as thrown in a perpetual game of catch.

(1908 – 1992) English actor
Communication

Peeping Tom: A window fan.

Definitions Wordplay

Did you ever meet a mother who’s complained that her child phoned her too often… me neither.

(1946 – ) British actress, columnist & comedian
Children Communication Family Mothers

There are two ways of disliking poetry; one way is to dislike it, the other is to read Pope.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Communication Reading/Writing Reviews/Criticism

If you lend someone an ear, don’t expect to be repaid with interest.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Communication

I think I’m really learning a lot from my creative writing classes; the entire experience is just indescribable.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Education Learning Reading/Writing

Most new books are forgotten within a year, especially by those who borrow them.

(1899 – 1995) humorist
Books Communication Time

When a person tells you, “I’ll think it over and let you know” — you know.

(1918 - 2002) American author
Communication Situations

It's innocence when it charms us, ignorance when it doesn't.

(1913 – 1983) journalist & author
Communication Emotions Happiness Intelligence Stupidity

The only reason we're not in Iran now is because we're going alphabetically and George Bush can't spell.

(1965 – 2010) American stand-up comedian & television personality
Communication Conflict War

At the all-you-can-eat barbecue, you have to pay the regular dinner price if you eat less than you can.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Food/Drink Wordplay

The intelligence of any discussion diminishes with the square of the number of participants.

Communication Conversation Intelligence Murphy’s Laws People Speech

Rock journalism is people who can’t write, interviewing people who can’t talk, in order to provide articles for people who can’t read.

(1940 – 1993) composer, guitarist, record producer & film director
Communication Reading/Writing Reviews/Criticism

When they were naming the animals somebody got lazy… whats he doing?… eating ants… DONE!

(1973 – ) American comedian
Animals Language

The closest library doesn't have the material you need.

Communication Murphy’s Laws

Last night I fell asleep in a satellite dish… my dreams were broadcast all over the world.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Communication Situations Sleep World

I’m not worried about the Third World War… that’s the Third World’s problem.

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Conflict War Wordplay

I wouldn't touch the metric measuring system with a 3.048m pole.

Language Science/Weather

The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously.

(1911 – 1978) U.S. vice president & politician
Communication Intelligence Opinion