Subject: Communication (Page 31)

Most wives are like ventriloquists: they stand there nodding while the dummy does all the talking.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Communication Marriage Speech Wives

Writer’s block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
Communication Reading/Writing

Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

No one gossips about other people's secret virtues.

(1872 – 1970) British philosopher, mathematician, historian & social critic
Communication Speech

I am his awfully-wedded wife.

(1905 – 1974) radio comedian
Malaprops Marriage Wordplay

I've been in the Bible every day since I've been the president.

(1946 – ) 43rd U.S. president
Books Communication President

Admiration: Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Characteristics Communication Definitions Language Self

Is sloppiness in speech caused by ignorance or apathy? … I don't know and I don't care.

(1929 – 2009) American author, columnist & journalist
Communication Conversation Speech

I was filling out a questionnaire that said, “Who would you most like to sleep with – anyone living or dead?” I said “Anyone living.”

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Sex Situations Wordplay

Then, of course, there's that old one: Never use a preposition to end a sentence with.

Communication Language Murphy’s Laws Reading/Writing

Discussion: A method of confirming others in their errors.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language Mistakes People

I went to a Pretenders gig; it was a tribute act.

(1967 – ) English actor, writer & comedian
Communication Wordplay

I felt like a man trapped in a woman's body… then I was born.

American stand up comedian & juggler
Communication Wordplay

Geologist: Fault finder.

Definitions Wordplay

Words must be weighed, not counted.

Communication

If I look confused it is because I am thinking.

(1879 – 1974) film producer
Appearance Intelligence Misspokements Speech Thinking

I have an idea that the phrase ‘weaker sex’ was coined by some woman to disarm the man she was preparing to overwhelm.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Language Men People Women

There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch too many of them together.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Communication Language

I’ve got seven kids, the three words you hear most around my house are: Hello, goodbye, and I’m pregnant.

(1917 – 1995) singer, actor & comedian
Children Communication Family Speech

If you can wave a fan, and you can wave a club, can you wave a fan club?


Communication Language Things

President Clinton signed a $10 million deal to write a book by 2003… President Bush signed a $10 million deal to read a book by 2003.

(1963 – ) television host & comedian
Books Communication Reading/Writing