Subject: Communication (Page 32)

If you substitute damn every time you’re inclined to write very your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Communication Language Reading/Writing

She needs open-heart surgery, and they should go in through her feet.

(1935 – ) British actress, singer & author
Communication

Quickly, bring me a beaker of wine, so that I may wet my mind and say something clever.

(450 BC – 388 BC) Greek Athenian comic playwright
Alcohol Food/Drink Speech Wisdom

You can get away with anything as long as you tell someone about it.

Communication Murphy’s Laws

My spelling is wobbly; it’s good spelling but it wobbles, and the letters get in the wrong places.

fictional character from the book series by A. A. Milne
Communication Language Reading/Writing

I feel that if a person has problems communicating the very least he can do is to shut up.

(1928 – ) humorist, singer, songwriter & satirist
Communication Situations Speech

Most of the time he sounds like he has a mouth full of wet toilet paper.

(1938 – ) film critic & former television co-host
Reviews/Criticism Speech

Never tell them what you wouldn't do.

Communication Murphy’s Laws

Wife Swapping: Sexual fourplay.

Definitions Marriage Sex Wordplay

He uses a lot of big words, and his sentences are from here to the airport.

(1947 – ) American writer & populist political activist
Reading/Writing Reviews/Criticism

Propaganda: Patriotism as practiced by our enemies.

Communication Definitions

He was married to an acrobat, but she caught him in the act.

Communication Wordplay

A beginning, a muddle, and an end.

(1922 – 1985) English poet & novelist
Communication Reading/Writing

If you do big things they print your face, and if you do little things they only print your thumbs.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Communication Crime

I felt like a man trapped in a woman's body… then I was born.

American stand up comedian & juggler
Communication Wordplay

Most new books are forgotten within a year, especially by those who borrow them.

(1899 – 1995) humorist
Books Communication Time

My friend has a baby; I’m recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Communication Speech

1. When in charge ponder
2. When in trouble delegate
3. When in doubt mumble.

Murphy’s Laws Speech

If at first you don’t succeed, read the manual.

Murphy’s Laws Reading/Writing

If I had known the difference between the words 'antidote' and 'anecdote,' one of my good friends would still be living.

comedian
Communication Death Health Language

A clever remark is one you don’t make at the appropriate moment but compose immediately after.

Communication Murphy’s Laws Speech