Subject: Communication (Page 32)

If one morning I walked on top of the water across the Potomac River, the headline that afternoon would read "President Can't Swim.”

(1908 – 1973) 36th U.S. president
Communication

My wife said: ‘I want an explanation and I want the truth.’ I said: ‘Make up your mind.’

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian
Communication Honesty Marriage Truth Wives

I once knew a woman who offered her honor, so I honored her offer, and all night long I was on her and off her.

Sex Wordplay

When you win, say nothing; when you lose, say less.

professional football coach
Communication Speech Sports

I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix.

(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician
Communication Misspokements Places

When I was a child my father attacked me with cameras; I still have flashbacks.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Language Things

I do a lot of reading on serial killers – mostly How To books.

(1952 – ) comedian, actress & writer
Books Communication Reading/Writing

Using words to describe magic is like using a screwdriver to cut roast beef.

(1936 – ) novelist
Communication Food/Drink Language Things

Admiration: Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Characteristics Communication Definitions Language Self

Authors with a mortgage never get writer’s block.

(1948 – ) English novelist
Communication Reading/Writing

The fury engendered by the misspelling of a name in a (newspaper) column is in direct ratio to the obscurity of the mentionee.

Anger Characteristics Language Murphy’s Laws Reading/Writing

Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you'd have preferred to talk.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
Communication Intelligence Speech Wisdom

I didn't know her well, but after watching her in action I didn't want to know her well.

(1905 – 1977) American actress
Communication People

When they were naming the animals somebody got lazy… whats he doing?… eating ants… DONE!

(1973 – ) American comedian
Animals Language

Ordering a man to write a poem is like commanding a pregnant woman to give birth to a red-headed child.

Carl Sandburg (1878 – 1967) biographer & poet
Communication Men People Reading/Writing Women

If you can wave a fan, and you can wave a club, can you wave a fan club?


Communication Language Things

In the book of life, the answers aren’t in the back.

cartoon character, Peanuts, Charles Schulz (1922 – 2000) cartoonist
Books Life

If you think communication is all talking, you haven't been listening.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist
Communication Conversation Speech

Nothing risqué nothing gained!

(1933 – 1967) American actress, entertainer & Hollywood sex symbol
Communication Sex Wordplay

Vagina?… that sounds like something you call in sick with.

American comedian & television host
Communication Health Language

Realtor: A man with lots to sell.

Definitions Occupations Wordplay