Subject: Communication (Page 34)

Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say, abstains from giving us worthy evidence of the fact.

Mary Anne Evans (1819 – 1880) English novelist, journalist & translator
Communication People Speech

You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Intelligence Language People Thinking Women

In Paris they simply stared when I spoke to them in French; I never did succeed in making those idiots understand their language.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Communication Language Speech Success

There's nothing wrong with you that a vasectomy of the vocal cords wouldn't fix.

(1944 – ) American author & novelist
Communication Insults Speech

Whenever you hear the word save, it is usually the beginning of an advertisement designed to make you spend money.

Communication Language Money

The quality of debate [in the House of Lords] is pretty high – and it is, I think, good evidence of life after death.

(1903 – 1998) English clergyman
Communication Speech

When I was a child my father attacked me with cameras; I still have flashbacks.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Language Things

Coward: One who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as the dog does.

(1890 – 1957) author & journalist
Animals Communication Dogs Intelligence Speech Wisdom

The phrase, “Don’t take this the wrong way” has a zero percent success rate.

(1973 – ) American writer, stand-up comedian, actor, director & producer
Communication

Talking with you is sort of the conversational equivalent of an out of body experience.

(1955 – ) cartoonist (Calvin and Hobbes)
Communication Conversation Speech

An autobiography is an obituary in serial form with the last installment missing.

(1908 – 1999) English writer
Books Communication Reading/Writing

A stupid man's report of what a clever man says is never accurate because he unconsciously translates what he hears into something he can understand.

(1872 – 1970) British philosopher, mathematician, historian & social critic
Communication Intelligence Stupidity Wisdom

I am a man of my word… and that word is “unreliable.”

(1973 – ) American comedian
Communication Language Self

I’m an Atheist… thank God.

(1936 – 2005) Irish comedian
Beliefs God Religion Wordplay

People say I’m a plagiarist… their word, not mine.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Wordplay

The free-lance writer is a man who is paid per piece or per word or perhaps.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist
Communication Money Reading/Writing

I was filling out a questionnaire that said, “Who would you most like to sleep with – anyone living or dead?” I said “Anyone living.”

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Sex Situations Wordplay

Never lend books, for no one ever returns them; the only books I have in my library are books that other folk have lent me.

(1844 – 1924) French novelist
Books Communication

Write it down in your own handwriting.

(1899 – 1985) Hungarian-born conductor & violinist
Communication Misspokements Reading/Writing

My theory [is] that modern science was largely conceived of as an answer to the servant problem and that it is generally practiced by those who lack a flair for conversation.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Science/Weather Speech