Subject: Communication (Page 41)

President Bush’s speech writer is leaving the administration; his last words were, "Me go now."

(1963 – ) television host & comedian
Communication Speech

Extremists think “communication” means agreeing with them.

(1908 – 1997) German-born teacher, academic & humorist
Communication

As soon as you dispose of a book, even one that has gathered dust for years, a pressing need to refer to it will arise.

Books Murphy’s Laws Time

The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.

(1934 – 1982) English writer, comedian & actor
Reading/Writing Things

I bought a dictionary, and the first thing I did was look up dictionary… it said “you’re an asshole.”

(1973 – ) American comedian
Books Communication Language Reading/Writing

I had a paper route when I was a kid and I was supposed to go to 2,000 houses… or two dumpsters.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Communication Work

I made a comment to a newspaper about therapists saying that people should not become dependent on them and it got printed as, "The rapists say . . . "

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Communication

Knock on wood is a saying for good luck. I think that started when someone went to someone's door to see if someone was home. “I hope Joe's home, knock on wood!”

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Communication Language

I was so long writing my review that I never got around to reading the book.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Books Communication Reading/Writing Reviews/Criticism

Pushing fifty is exercise enough


Activities Age Exercise Wordplay

The effectiveness of a telephone conversation is in inverse proportion to the time spent on it.

Communication Conversation Murphy’s Laws Time

No name, no matter how simple, can be correctly understood over the phone.

Communication Murphy’s Laws Things

Every book is a children's book if the kid can read.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Books Children Reading/Writing

Four-letter Word: Par for the coarse.

Definitions Golf Language Sports

If the converse of a statement is absurd, the original statement is an insult to the intelligence and should never have been said.

Intelligence Murphy’s Laws Speech

In a relationship you have to communicate, which means listening to her talk… ladies, you fake orgasms… we fake listening.

(1962 – ) American comedian & actor
Communication Men People Relationships Women

I used to have a speech impediment, but we got divorced.

(1926 – 1988) American cartoonist (The Lockhorns)
Communication Divorce Marriage Speech Wives

Perfume: What a woman hopes will make her the scenter of attention.

Definitions Wordplay

Discussion is an exchange of knowledge; argument is an exchange of ignorance.

(1887 – 1948) American journalist & humorist
Communication Conversation

My wife and I had words, but I never got to use mine.

Jim Jordan (1896 – 1988) American radio comedian (of Fibber McGee & Molly)
Communication Marriage Speech

The first man to compare the cheeks of a young woman to a rose was obviously a poet; the first to repeat it was possibly an idiot.

(1904 – 1989) Spanish surrealist painter
Fools Intelligence Language