Subject: Communication (Page 42)

Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.

Communication Language Wordplay

A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar: the barman says, “Is this some kind of joke?”

(1973 – ) English comedian, writer, actor, director & producer
Communication

Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.

(1863 – 1935) British-born American writer, artist & illustrator
Communication Definitions Reading/Writing

The amount of flak received on any subject is inversely proportional to the subject’s true value.

Communication Murphy’s Laws

Whenever I see an autobiography for sale in the book store I just flip to the about the author section… I’m like, “Done, next!”

(1973 – ) American comedian
Books Communication Reading/Writing

I have only ever read one book in my life, and that is White Fang; it’s so frightfully good I’ve never bothered to read another.

(1904 – 1973) English novelist & biographer
Books Communication

No one has a finer command of language than the person who keeps his mouth shut.

(1882 – 1961) politician
Communication Language Situations

In Russia a man is called reactionary if he objects to having his property stolen and his wife and children murdered.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator
Communication Government Places

It has been said that writing comes more easily if you have something to say.

(1880 – 1957) Polish-Jewish novelist, dramatist & essayist
Communication Reading/Writing

Pulled my groin the other day – for about 20 minutes.

(1963 – ) American comedian
Activities Language Sex

Tears: Remorse code.

Definitions Wordplay

Antibody: Against everyone.

Definitions Wordplay

I think that people who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.

(1954 – ) comedian & television actor
Communication Lies Reading/Writing

A good storyteller never lets the facts get in the way.

(1936 – 2005) Irish comedian
Communication Speech

She's just trying to make sure Anthony gets a good meal… Antonio.

(1946 – ) 43rd U.S. president
Communication

Woman: I've made a bet with a friend that I can get you to say at least three words this evening. What do you say to that?

Coolidge’s reply: You lose.

(1872 – 1933) 30th U.S. president
Communication Speech

Prayer must never be answered: if it is, it ceases to be prayer and becomes correspondence.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Beliefs Communication

If a man says, "I'll call you," and he doesn't, he didn't forget, he didn't lose your number, he didn't die… he just didn't want to call you.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Communication Men People

Apart from that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play?

(1928 – ) humorist, singer, songwriter & satirist
Communication Problems Situations Wordplay

The closer you are to a news story, the more inaccurate the coverage appears to be.

Communication

Circus: A place where horses, ponies and elephants are permitted to see men, women and children acting the fool.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Animals Communication Definitions Fools Language People