Subject: Communication (Page 43)

Making a speech on economics is a lot like pissing down your leg; it seems hot to you, but it never does to anyone else.

(1908 – 1973) 36th U.S. president
Beliefs Communication Opinion Speech

I have the oldest typewriter in the world; it types in pencil.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Communication Science/Weather Things

You're an old-timer if you can remember when setting the world on fire was a figure of speech.

(1908 – 1980) businessman, humorist
Age Communication Language Old Speech World

You're just wasting your breath and that's no great loss either!

(1904 – 1979) Jewish-American humorist, author & screenwriter
Communication Insults

Just think of something stupid to say and then don't say it.

(1911 – 1980) humorist, writer, television host & journalist
Communication Intelligence Speech

If pregnancy were a book they would cut the last two chapters.

(1941 – 2012) American novelist, producer, screenwriter & director
Books Communication Reading/Writing

Everything comes to him who waits… except a loaned book.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Characteristics Communication

If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Communication Language Reading/Writing

I think that people who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.

(1954 – ) comedian & television actor
Communication Lies Reading/Writing

They told me how Mr Gladstone read Homer for fun, which I thought served him right.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator
Characteristics Insults Reading/Writing

Oratory: The art of making deep noises from the chest sound like important messages from the brain.

Communication Definitions Speech

Her tongue is so long she could lick a skillet from the front porch.

Communication Speech

The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Communication Computers Science/Weather Things

Flatterer: one who says things to your face that he wouldn’t say behind your back.

Characteristics Communication People Speech

Nothing in fine print is ever good news.

(1919 – 2011) American news commentator & writer
Communication Reading/Writing

There's no sense in being precise when you don't even know what you're talking about.

(1903 – 1957) Hungarian-American mathematician
Communication Intelligence Speech

Doing a book signing tomorrow at Barnes & Noble… bring your own book… I haven't written one yet.

(1975 – ) American stand-up comedian & television host
Books Communication

Time and tide and hookers wait for no man.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Wordplay

The progress of science varies inversely with the number of journals published.

Communication Murphy’s Laws Reading/Writing Science/Weather

It was so quiet, you could hear a pun drop.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Communication Language

I feel that if a person has problems communicating the very least he can do is to shut up.

(1928 – ) humorist, singer, songwriter & satirist
Communication Situations Speech