Subject: Communication (Page 44)

People everywhere confuse what they read in newspapers with news.

(1904 – 1963) American journalist
Beliefs Communication Facts Reading/Writing

The thing about getting old is the number of things you think that you can’t say aloud because it would be too shocking.

(1919 – 2013) British writer, poet & playwright
Age Old Speech

Ransom notes.

(1935 – 2012) American football player, sports announcer & actor
Communication Money Reading/Writing

We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur.

(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician
Communication Misspokements Speech

Your ignorance cramps my conversation.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Communication Conversation Intelligence Speech Stupidity

So this cowboy walks in to a German car showroom and he says "Audi!"

(1967 – ) English actor, writer & comedian
Miscellaneous Wordplay

I have only ever read one book in my life, and that is White Fang; it’s so frightfully good I’ve never bothered to read another.

(1904 – 1973) English novelist & biographer
Books Communication

I’m writing my book in fifth person, so every sentence starts out with: “I heard from this guy who told somebody …”

(1973 – ) American comedian
Communication Reading/Writing

You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Intelligence Language People Thinking Women

Sometimes people come up to me and they'll be like, 'In Italy, it's pronounced 'Bir-Bee-Lya’ … and I'm like, 'In America, you're annoying.

(1978 – ) American comedian & writer
Communication Language People Self

How can there be self-help groups?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Communication Wordplay

Just read a book about Stockholm Syndrome; it started off badly, but by the end I really liked it.

(1927 – 2018) British comedian, singer & songwriter
Books Communication Reading/Writing Wordplay

Science Fiction: Fairy tales for nerds.

Communication Definitions Science/Weather

Doing a book signing tomorrow at Barnes & Noble… bring your own book… I haven't written one yet.

(1975 – ) American stand-up comedian & television host
Books Communication

In a restaurant with seats which are close to each other, one will always find the decibel level of the nearest conversation to be inversely proportional to the quality of the thought going into it.

Communication Conversation Murphy’s Laws Speech

The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Communication Computers Science/Weather Things

No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Animals Communication Conversation Speech

I think Nancy does most of his talking; you'll notice that she never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
Communication Insults Speech

His tongue was an unguided missile.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Communication Language

Be careful about reading health books for you may die of a misprint.

(1747 – 1803) German Jewish physician & lecturer on philosophy
Books Communication Death Health Reading/Writing

Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of.

Communication