Subject: Communication (Page 47)

I talk a lot about women in my act, 'cause let's face it – if I was hungry, I would talk about food.

American actor & comedian
Food/Drink Sex Speech Women

Saying ‘I’m sorry’ is the same as saying ‘I apologize,’ … except at a funeral.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Communication Death Language

Barometer: An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language Old Science/Weather

Schizophrenia beats dining alone.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Health Wordplay

Listening to a speech by Chamberlain is like paying a visit to Woolworth's; everything in its place and nothing above sixpence.

(1897 – 1960) Welsh labor leader & politician
Insults Speech

I used to be a mime…. but now I can talk about it…

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Entertainment Occupations Speech Work

Judge: A man in a trying position.

Definitions Wordplay

Never lend books, for no one ever returns them; the only books I have in my library are books that other folk have lent me.

(1844 – 1924) French novelist
Books Communication

I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy – but that could change.

(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician
Communication Misspokements

Easy reading is damned hard writing.

Communication Reading/Writing

Archaeologist: A person whose career lies in ruins.

Definitions Occupations Wordplay

In letters themes reports articles and stuff like that we use commas to keep strings apart.

Communication Language Murphy’s Laws Reading/Writing

… my last will and tentacle…

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Communication

Neither am I.

(1937 – 1995) English satirist, writer & comedian
Books Communication Insults

If criticism had any power to harm, the skunk would be extinct by now.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
Animals Communication

Names were not so much dropped as thrown in a perpetual game of catch.

(1908 – 1992) English actor
Communication

It isn't what they say about you, it's what they whisper.

(1909 – 1959) Australian-born American actor
Communication Speech

I didn't know her well, but after watching her in action I didn't want to know her well.

(1905 – 1977) American actress
Communication People

I have only ever read one book in my life, and that is White Fang; it’s so frightfully good I’ve never bothered to read another.

(1904 – 1973) English novelist & biographer
Books Communication

I bought a dictionary, and the first thing I did was look up dictionary… it said “you’re an asshole.”

(1973 – ) American comedian
Books Communication Language Reading/Writing

If we don’t succeed, we run the risk of failure.

(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician
Communication Failure Misspokements Speech Success