Subject: Communication (Page 49)

Italian Without Words

Too often, people who want to offer sound advice give more sound than advice!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

I used to have a job as a pantomime horse, but quit while I was a head.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer

Learning French is trivial: the word for horse is “cheval,” and everything else follows in the same way.

(1922 – 1990) American computer scientist

Editor: The fellow who makes a long story short.

I recently gave a talk to a group of backpackers; they were on the edge of their seats.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

(1973 – ) English comedian, writer, actor, director & producer

An encyclopedia is a system for collecting dust in alphabetical order.

British writer, cartoonist, poet & performer

If I had my life to live over, I’d live it over a deli.

(1926 – 2009) comedian, actor, radio – TV personality & host

You ever read a book that changed your life? … me neither.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor

Charles Dickens, dead, writes more than [American playwright] Marc Connelly alive.

(1889 – 1961) Am. playwright, theater director & producer & humorist

I want to take one of those English as a Second Language courses – just go in and blow everybody away on the first day.

(1962 – ) American actor & comedian

My aunt used to say, ‘What you can’t see, can’t hurt you’… well, she died of radiation poisoning a few months back.

(1964 – ) English comedian, author & television presenter

Avant-garde? … That’s French for bullshit.

(1940 – 1980) English rock musician, singer & songwriter

How long is it polite to pretend to continue to listen to someone after they’ve revealed they’ve got a boyfriend?

(1975 – ) English comedian, actor & writer

Few things are more irritating than when someone who is wrong is also very effective in making his point.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

Having your book turned into a movie is like seeing your oxen turned into bouillon cubes.

(David John Moore Cornwell) (1931 – ) British author

Children always take the line of most persistence.

writer

The greatest man who ever came out of Plymouth Corner, Vermont.

(1857 – 1938) American lawyer

Foresight is knowing when to shut your mouth before someone suggests it.

Politicians who complain about the media are like ships’ captains who complain about the sea.

(1912 – 1998) British politician