Subject: Communication (Page 49)

Sad news, apparently the Michelin Man has retired.

(1973 – ) English writer & stand-up comedian
Communication Wordplay

Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Books Communication Intelligence New York City Reading/Writing

I don’t mind what language an opera is sung in so long as it is a language I don’t understand.

(1892 – 1965) English physicist
Communication Entertainment Language Music Understanding

Farmer: A handy man with a sense of humus.

Definitions Wordplay

So, where’s the Cannes Film Festival being held this year?

(1980 – ) popular singer
Communication Misspokements Speech

Men get laid, but women get screwed.

(1908 – 1999) English writer
Language Men People Sex Women

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter; some day I intend reading it.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Books Reviews/Criticism

I was so long writing my review that I never got around to reading the book.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Books Communication Reading/Writing Reviews/Criticism

In America, only the successful writer is important, in France all writers are important, in England no writer is important, and in Australia you have to explain what a writer is.

(1919 – 2010 ) England author
Communication Insults Places Reading/Writing

At school the other kids used to push me around and call me lazy; I loved that wheelchair.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Wordplay

Out of the mouths of babes comes cereal.

Children Family Wordplay

Who’s cruel idea was it to put an “s” in the word “lisp”?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Ideas Intelligence Language

An autobiography is an obituary in serial form with the last installment missing.

(1908 – 1999) English writer
Books Communication Reading/Writing

The early bird gets the worm but the late worm gets to live.

comedian, writer & editor
Communication Wordplay

The opposite of talking isn't listening; the opposite of talking is waiting.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Communication Conversation Speech

Knock on wood is a saying for good luck. I think that started when someone went to someone's door to see if someone was home. “I hope Joe's home, knock on wood!”

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Communication Language

I would have written a shorter letter, but I did not have the time.

(1623 – 1662) French mathematician & physicist
Communication Language

The English language was carefully, carefully cobbled together by three blind dudes and a German dictionary.

web cartoonist (Sheldon)
Communication Language

No one gossips about other people's secret virtues.

(1872 – 1970) British philosopher, mathematician, historian & social critic
Communication Speech

In honor of the late George Carlin, here are seven more words you can't say on TV: "And the Emmy goes to Bob Saget."

(1965 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor, director & author
Communication Entertainment Language Television

NOKIA – connocting poopie [sic]

Communication Translations