Subject: Communication (Page 5)

Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.

(1906 – 1965) psychologist & speech pathologist
Communication Language

If I want your opinion, I’ll give it to you.

(1879 – 1974) film producer
Beliefs Communication Misspokements Opinion Speech

When a man says he had pleasure with a woman he does not mean conversation.

(1709 – 1784) English author, essayist, critic, editor & lexicographer
Conversation Men People Sex Women

If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?

(1954 – ) comedian & television actor
Communication Failure Success Wordplay

She doesn’t need a steak knife… she cuts her food with her tongue.

(1925 – 2005) television host
Communication People Speech

When the Iraq war started … little did George Bush know.

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Conflict Intelligence Language

Don't use commas, which aren't necessary.

Communication Language Murphy’s Laws Reading/Writing

Did I already tell you my Alzheimer's joke?

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Language

Do they give pilots crash courses in flight school?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Communication Occupations Wordplay Work

I married way too young… she was Chinese.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Language

[Ulysses is] the work of a queasy undergraduate scratching his pimples.

(1882 – 1941) English novelist, essayist, publisher & feminist
Insults Reading/Writing

You know, you haven't stopped talking since I came here? You must have been vaccinated with a phonograph needle.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Communication TV/Movie Quotes

The first draft of anything is shit.

(1899 – 1961) author & journalist
Communication Reading/Writing

Back in the day, Instagram just meant a really efficient drug dealer.

(1954 – ) English comedian writer
Communication Computers Things

Madness takes its toll; please have exact change.

Communication Language Proverbs

I didn’t really say everything I said.

(1925 – 2015) baseball player, coach & manager
Communication Speech Yogi-isms

This is the sort of English up with which I will not put.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator
Communication Language

Contempt: The feeling of a prudent man for an enemy who is too formidable safely to be opposed.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

My girlfriend’s dog died, so to cheer her up I went out and got her an identical one: She was livid… “What am I going to do with two dead dogs?”

(1973 – ) English writer & stand-up comedian
Animals Dogs Wordplay

Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

Once you overcome your fear of public speaking, you’ll never be asked to speak again.

Communication Murphy’s Laws Speech