Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Communication
(Page 5)
Nothing in fine print is ever good news.
Andy Rooney
(1919 – 2011) American news commentator & writer
Communication
Reading/Writing
Fine print
Blurt: To speak the truth.
Anonymous
Definitions
Speech
Blurt
As soon as the hospital made me put on one of those little gowns, I knew the end was in sight.
Adam Smargon
Communication
Situations
Wordplay
Hospital
I used to be in a band called ‘Missing Cat’… you probably saw our posters.
Stewart Francis
Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication
Language
Situations
Literature is mostly about having sex and not much about having children; life is the other way round.
David Lodge
(1935 – ) British author
Books
Children
Communication
Family
Life
Reading/Writing
Sex
Five out of every three people have trouble understanding fractions.
Kenneth Dodd
(1927 – 2018) British comedian, singer & songwriter
Science/Weather
Wordplay
Arithmetic
Fractions
He doesn't remember any silent days in motion pictures – the director always yelled.
Arthur ‘Bugs’ Baer
(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Communication
Entertainment
Film
Speech
Usher: One who takes a leading part in a theatre.
Anonymous
Wordplay
Usher
Alas: Early Victorian for, “Oh, Hell.”
Anonymous
Communication
Definitions
Language
Alas
Just think of something stupid to say and then don't say it.
Sam Levenson
(1911 – 1980) humorist, writer, television host & journalist
Communication
Intelligence
Speech
Wisdom
Philanthropist: A rich (and usually bald) old gentleman who has trained himself to grin while his conscience is picking his pocket.
Ambrose Bierce
(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication
Definitions
Language
Wealth
Conscience
Philanthropist
Sometimes they write what I say and not what I mean.
Pedro Guerrero
baseball player
Communication
Misspokements
Reading/Writing
On reporters
She plunged into a sea of platitudes, and with the powerful breast stroke of a channel swimmer, made her confident way towards the white cliffs of the obvious.
W. Somerset Maugham
(1874 – 1965) English dramatist & novelist
Communication
Reading/Writing
Reviews/Criticism
Life is fraught with opportunities to keep your mouth shut.
Winston Churchill
(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator
Communication
Speech
Quiet
Snoring: Sheet music.
Anonymous
Definitions
Sleep
Wordplay
Snoring
The wise man has long ears and a short tongue.
German proverb
Communication
Proverbs
Speech
If you can’t annoy somebody with what you write, I think there’s little point in writing.
Kingsley Amis
(1922 – 1995) English novelist & poet
Characteristics
Communication
Reading/Writing
Annoy
Propaganda is the art of persuading others of what one does not believe oneself.
Abba Eban
(1915 – 2002) Israeli diplomat & politician
Beliefs
Communication
Opinion
Influence
Propaganda
There’s very little advice in men’s magazines, because men think, I know what I’m doing; just show me somebody naked.
Jerry Seinfeld
(1954 – ) comedian & television actor
Communication
Reading/Writing
Sex
Advice
Men's magazines
Naked
One man is as good as another until he has written a book.
Benjamin Jowett
(1817 – 1893) English tutor, education reformer, theologian & translator
Books
Communication
Reading/Writing
A neurotic can perfectly well be a literary genius, but his greatest danger is always that he will not recognize when he is dull.
Louis Auchincloss
(1917 – 2010) American lawyer, novelist, historian & essayist
Characteristics
Communication
Reading/Writing
Neurotics
Page 5 of 86
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