Subject: Communication (Page 50)

Correlation does not imply causality, but the more I say things like that the fewer people want to talk to me.

(1973 – ) English writer & stand-up comedian
Communication Speech

Just seen the grave of the woman from My Fair Lady… it says ‘Here lies a Doolittle’.

(1973 – ) English writer & stand-up comedian
Communication Wordplay

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.

(427 BC – 347 BC) Greek author & philosopher
Communication Fools Intelligence Speech Wisdom

A clever remark is one you don’t make at the appropriate moment but compose immediately after.

Communication Murphy’s Laws Speech

A man talking sense to himself is no madder than a man talking nonsense not to himself.

(1937 – ) British playwright & screenwriter
Communication Intelligence People Self Speech

Democracy means government by discussion but it is only effective if you can stop people talking.

(1883 – 1967) British prime minister & politician
Communication Democracy Government Speech

Do people in Australia, call the rest of the world, "Up Over"?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Communication Language Places Speech

Is it possible to mistake schizophrenia for telepathy, I hear you ask.

comedian
Health Wordplay

Geologist: Fault finder.

Definitions Wordplay

About as modest as Mussolini.

(1941 – ) American singer & songwriter
Communication

Anatomy: The belly of a very small insect.

Definitions Wordplay

Why do writers write; because it isn't there.

(1924 – ) American novelist
Communication Reading/Writing

If you only read one book in your life… I highly recommend you keep your mouth shut.

(1967 – ) English comedian
Communication Intelligence Reading/Writing

I don't speak Chinese, but I figure if I try, I've got to be saying something.

(1962 – ) Canadian-American actor, comedian, author & radio personality
Baseball Communication Language

If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress?

(1946 – ) American comedian
Communication Wordplay

You say ‘erbs, and we say Herbs… because there’s a f**king ‘H’ in it!

(1962 – ) English stand-up comedian & actor
Communication Language

Pushing fifty is exercise enough


Activities Age Exercise Wordplay

Those who know the least will always know it the loudest.

Intelligence Murphy’s Laws Speech

The first coherent line ever spoken was: ‘I have no idea what you're talking about.’

(1962 – ) English stand-up comedian & actor
Communication Speech

That woman speaks eighteen languages, and she can’t say 'No' in any of them.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Communication Insults Intelligence Sex

If that kid don't stop talkin' so much he'll get his tongue sunburned.

cartoon character (Mel Blanc)
Speech TV/Movie Quotes