Subject: Communication (Page 53)

If the converse of a statement is absurd, the original statement is an insult to the intelligence and should never have been said.

Intelligence Murphy’s Laws Speech

I can read minds but, it’s pointless cause I’m illiterate.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Communication Intelligence Reading/Writing

During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me; just the other night she called me from a hotel.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Communication Sex Speech

If you were forced to read the book in high school, you’ll probably hate the movie too.

Books Education Film Murphy’s Laws School

When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Communication Entertainment Music

Schizophrenia beats dining alone.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Health Wordplay

It takes a real talent to be able to apologize in a manner that makes the offended person feel guilty.

Characteristics Communication

Violinist: A high-strung musician.

Definitions Entertainment Music Wordplay

Monument: A structure intended to commemorate something which either needs no commemoration or cannot be commemorated.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

If other people are going to talk, conversation becomes impossible.

(1834 – 1903) American-born, British-based artist
Communication Conversation

Remember that as a teenager you are at the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Communication Life People Things

I went to my doctor and told him, "My penis is burning." … he said, "That means somebody is talking about it.”

(1949 – 2016) American comedian & television actor
Communication Speech

In my opinion I think that the author when he is writing should not get into the habit of making use of too many unnecessary words which he does not really need.

Communication Language Murphy’s Laws Reading/Writing

I’m writing an unauthorized autobiography.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Books Communication Reading/Writing

If Attila the Hun were alive today, he'd be a drama critic.

(1928 – ) playwright
Communication Entertainment Reading/Writing

Is there another word for synonym?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Communication Language

I stayed in a really old hotel last night; they sent me a wake-up letter.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Communication Situations

I found nothing really wrong with this autobiography except poor choice of subject.

(1904 – 1999) author, editor, radio host
Books Reviews/Criticism

If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married.

(1907 – 2003) American actress of film, stage & television
Communication Marriage

Misquotations are the only quotations that are never misquoted.

(1887 – 1964) British actor, writer & theater director
Communication Language Speech

No one has a finer command of language than the person who keeps his mouth shut.

(1882 – 1961) politician
Communication Language Situations