Subject: Communication (Page 54)

Polite conversation is rarely either.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Communication Conversation Speech

When angry count four; when very angry, swear.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Communication Emotions Speech

Too often the strong silent man is silent because he does not know what to say, and is reputed strong only because he has remained silent.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator
Characteristics Communication Insults Speech

Women should be obscene and not heard.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Language Speech Women

Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow you may diet.

Food/Drink Murphy’s Laws Wordplay

Hector Torres, how can you communicate with Enzo Hernandez when he speaks Spanish and you speak Mexican?

(1924 – 2014) American baseball player & announcer
Communication Language Misspokements

The intelligence of any discussion diminishes with the square of the number of participants.

Communication Conversation Intelligence Murphy’s Laws People Speech

Eloquence: The art of saying the proper thing and stopping.

(1613 – 1680) French writer
Communication Language Speech

What do people mean when they say the computer went down on me?

comedian, commentator, radio host, reporter & writer
Computers Language Sex Things

Dave drowned; so at the funeral we got him a wreath in the shape of a lifebelt; well, it’s what he would have wanted.

(1973 – ) English writer & stand-up comedian
Communication Wordplay

Every English poet should master the rules of grammar before he attempts to bend or break them.

(1895 – 1985) British author & classical scholar
Communication Reading/Writing

1. When in charge ponder
2. When in trouble delegate
3. When in doubt mumble.

Murphy’s Laws Speech

When I give a lecture, I accept that people look at their watches, but what I do not tolerate is when they look at it and raise it to their ear to find out if it stopped.

(1899 – 1974) French screenwriter, teacher & journalist
Communication Situations Speech Time

The only reason we're not in Iran now is because we're going alphabetically and George Bush can't spell.

(1965 – 2010) American stand-up comedian & television personality
Communication Conflict War

Talking with you is sort of the conversational equivalent of an out of body experience.

(1955 – ) cartoonist (Calvin and Hobbes)
Communication Conversation Speech

Americans don't really understand what's going on in Bosnia; to them it's the unspellables killing the unpronouncables.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Communication Language Places

Neither am I.

(1937 – 1995) English satirist, writer & comedian
Books Communication Insults

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Animals Communication Language

A lot of people think kids say the darnedest things, but so would you if you had no education.

(1974 – ) Russian-born American comedian, writer & filmmaker
Children Education Family Intelligence Speech

If [the weather] didn’t change once in a while, nine out of ten people couldn’t start a conversation.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Communication Conversation People Science/Weather Speech

Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child.

(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician
Children Communication Misspokements Mothers