Subject: Communication (Page 56)

He is at his wit's end – it is true that he had not far to go.

(1788 – 1824) English poet
Communication Insults Intelligence

Graduation speeches were invented largely in the belief that college students should never be released into the world until they have been properly sedated.

(1948 – ) American cartoonist (Doonesbury)
Communication School Speech

Outside of a dog, a book is your best friend, and inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Age Animals Books Communication Dogs Intelligence Reading/Writing Relationships Situations

Political speeches are like steer horns: a point here, a point there, and a lot of bull in between.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Communication Government Politics Speech

Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamppost how it feels about dogs.

(1946 – ) British playwright, screen writer & film director
Communication Reviews/Criticism

At no time is freedom of speech more precious than when a man hits his thumb with a hammer.

(1922 – 2010) American writer & magazine editor
Communication

The phrase, “Don’t take this the wrong way” has a zero percent success rate.

(1973 – ) American writer, stand-up comedian, actor, director & producer
Communication

Well, if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone?

(1894 – 1961) author, cartoonist & humorist
Communication Situations Things

Generally speaking, my wife is generally speaking.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian
Communication Marriage Speech Wives

I asked the barmaid for a quickie; the man next to me said, 'It's pronounced quiche.'


Communication Food/Drink Places Speech

Diets are for those who are thick and tired of it.

Appearance Body Wordplay

Avoid fruit and nuts; you are what you eat.

(1945 –) American cartoonist (Garfield)
Eating Food/Drink Wordplay

Cat: A soft, indestructible automaton provided by nature to be kicked when things go wrong in the domestic circle.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Animals Cats Communication Definitions Language

The only time he opens his mouth is to change feet.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator
Insults Speech

During an election campaign the air is full of speeches and vice versa.

(1838 – 1918) journalist, historian, academic & novelist
Communication Elections/Voting Government Speech

The remarkable thing about Shakespeare is that he really is very good, in spite of all the people who say he is very good.

(1895 – 1985) British author & classical scholar
Communication Reading/Writing Success

A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.

(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician
Communication Elections/Voting Government Misspokements Speech

I asked my caddie for a sand wedge and he came back ten minutes later with a ham on rye.

(1935 – ) Puerto Rican professional golfer
Communication Language

It's strange, isn't it… you stand in the middle of a library and go 'Aaaaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an airplane, and everyone joins in.

(1921 – 1984) British comedian & magician
Communication Situations Speech

He was engaged to a contortionist, but she broke it off.

Communication Relationships Wordplay

In a restaurant with seats which are close to each other, one will always find the decibel level of the nearest conversation to be inversely proportional to the quality of the thought going into it.

Communication Conversation Murphy’s Laws Speech