Subject: Communication (Page 59)

If you talk about yourself, he’ll think you’re boring; if you talk about others, he’ll think you’re a gossip; if you talk about him, he’ll think you’re a brilliant conversationalist.

Communication Dating Intelligence Speech

I phoned up the spiritual leader of Tibet, he sent me a large goat with a long neck, turns out I phoned dial-a-lama.

(1964 – ) English comedian
Communication Wordplay

Three hours a day will produce as much as a man ought to write.

Communication Murphy’s Laws Reading/Writing Time

If writers were good businessmen, they'd have too much sense to be writers.

(1876 – 1944) American author, humorist & columnist
Communication Money Reading/Writing

Reading is an escape, an education, a delving into the brain of another human being on such an intimate level that every nuance of thought, every snapping of synapse, every slippery desire of the author is laid open before you… like, well… a book.

American playwright, television writer & author
Books Communication Reading/Writing

Judge: A man in a trying position.

Definitions Wordplay

Never say “Oops” always say “Ah, interesting!”

Communication Mistakes Problems Speech

People who use selfie sticks really need to have a good, long look at themselves.

British stand-up comedian, writer & actor
Communication Things Wordplay

My husband asked me to talk dirty to him during sex; I told him to go f**k himself.


Communication Sex Speech

Too often the strong silent man is silent because he does not know what to say, and is reputed strong only because he has remained silent.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator
Characteristics Communication Insults Speech

Take my wife… please!

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian
Marriage Wives Wordplay

Clichés: Fixtures of speech.

Definitions Language

Coward: One who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

In a closed mouth, flies do not enter.

Communication Proverbs Speech

Sad news, apparently the Michelin Man has retired.

(1973 – ) English writer & stand-up comedian
Communication Wordplay

Plagiarize: To take the thought or style of another writer whom one has never, never read.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language Reading/Writing

A clever remark is one you don’t make at the appropriate moment but compose immediately after.

Communication Murphy’s Laws Speech

The only time he opens his mouth is to change feet.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator
Insults Speech

The word ‘politics’ is derived from the word ‘poly,’ meaning ‘many,’ and the word ‘ticks,’ meaning ‘blood sucking parasites.’

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Communication Definitions Government Language Politics

Delegation: In American politics, an article of merchandise that comes in sets.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Government Language

Hey, if anyone knows how to fix some broken hinges, my door’s always open.

(1987 – ) British comedian
Communication Things Wordplay