Subject: Communication (Page 60)

Everything you read in the newspapers is absolutely true except for that rare story of which you happen to have firsthand knowledge.

Characteristics Communication Honesty Murphy’s Laws Truth

I caught my wife in bed with another man and I was crushed… so I said, “Get off of me, you two!”

(1956 – ) American comedian
Communication Wordplay

I wrote a script and gave it to a guy that reads scripts and he read it and said he really likes it, but he thinks I need to rewrite it; I said, f**k that, I'll just make a copy.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Communication Reading/Writing

Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.

Characteristics Communication Lies

Where would we be without rhetorical questions?

Communication

Those magazine dieting stories always have the testimonial of a woman who wore a dress that could slip-cover New Jersey in one photo and thirty days later looked like a well-dressed thermometer.

(1918 – 2007) American humor writer
Communication Food/Drink Reading/Writing

That's why we in shock as a country 'cause we went from a president that would make up words to a president that make us look up the words when he talks.

(1971 – ) American comedian & actress
Communication Intelligence Speech

My daughter and I are very close, we speak every single day and I call her every day and I say the same thing, “Pick up, I know you’re there.”

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Children Communication Family

I plugged my phone in where the blender used to be and when I called someone they went “Aaaaahhhh…”

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Communication Things

Gossip: Anything that goes in one ear and over the back fence.

Communication Definitions Speech

Nature was not content with denying him the ability to think, has endowed him with the ability to write.

(1859 – 1936) English classical scholar & poet
Communication Insults Intelligence

I wrote a few children's books… not on purpose.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Books Children Communication Reading/Writing

If you believe the past can't be changed, you haven't read a celebrity's autobiography.

(1920 – 2001) American writer & humorist
Books Communication People Reading/Writing

I would worship the ground you walk on, Audrey, if you only lived in a better neighborhood.

(1906 – 2002) Austrian journalist, filmmaker, screenwriter & producer
Characteristics Speech

History will be kind to me for I intend to write it.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator
Books Communication History Reading/Writing

Your ignorance cramps my conversation.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Communication Conversation Intelligence Speech Stupidity

I have the brain of a German Shepard and the body of 16-year-old boy… they're both in my car and I want you to see them.

(1956 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & television ho
Miscellaneous Wordplay

Gossip is nature’s telephone.

(Sholem Naumovich Rabinovich) (1859 – 1916) Jewish author & humorist
Communication

An apology for the devil: it must be remembered that we have heard only one side of the case; God has written all the books.

(1835 – 1902) English composer, author & satirist
Beliefs Books God

Listening to a speech by Chamberlain is like paying a visit to Woolworth's; everything in its place and nothing above sixpence.

(1897 – 1960) Welsh labor leader & politician
Insults Speech

Foreword: An author’s apology.

Books Definitions