Subject: Communication (Page 64)

Where there's a will, there's an inheritance tax.

Death Government Language Taxes

We work in the toy department.

(1909 – 1973) American sports journalist
Communication Reading/Writing Sports

Three hours a day will produce as much as a man ought to write.

Communication Murphy’s Laws Reading/Writing Time

Slang: Language that takes off its coat, spits on its hands, and goes to work.

Communication Definitions Language

I’m not going to buy my kids an encyclopedia; let them walk to school like I did!

(1925 – 2015) baseball player, coach & manager
Books Children Yogi-isms

“I need to talk to you” is the one sentence that has the power to make you remember every bad thing you’ve ever done in your life.

(1979 – ) American stand-up comedian & author
Communication Relationships

Take my wife… please!

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian
Marriage Wives Wordplay

I love being a writer; what I can't stand is the paperwork.

(1910 – 1993) editor & novelist
Communication Reading/Writing

My New Year’s Resolution for 2010? … I will be less laz

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Communication Life

Diagnosis: A physician's forecast of the disease by the patient's pulse and purse.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Health Language Money

A day without newspapers is like walking around without your pants on.

(1924 – 2014) American baseball player & announcer
Misspokements Reading/Writing

I can take any amount of criticism so long as it is unqualified praise.

(1899 – 1973) English playwright, actor, composer, director & songwriter
Communication People Self

The two most beautiful words in the English language are “check enclosed.”

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Communication Language

Speeches are like babies – easy to conceive but hard to deliver.

Communication Speech

If you had a million Shakespeares, could they write like a monkey?


Communication Reading/Writing

The early bird gets the worm but the late worm gets to live.

comedian, writer & editor
Communication Wordplay

Castration: A eunuch experience.

Definitions Wordplay

I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Beliefs Communication

Never characterize the importance of a statement in advance.

Communication Murphy’s Laws Speech

Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail.
Corollary: Corresponding errors will show up in the duplicate while the boss is reading it.

Communication Mistakes Murphy’s Laws Problems

A million monkeys were given a million typewriters… it’s called the Internet.

(1967 – ) English comedian
Communication Things